This Is So Not Me
by Ms-Maggs
Summary: Solving a case doesn’t solve everything. Post-episode story for Death and the Maiden. Characters: Nick/Greg, Wedges, Mandy, Sara, Henry. Slash beginning with chapter 3.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is a post-episode story for Death and the Maiden that contains spoilers for that episode. Characters: Wendy, Hodges, Nick, Greg, Mandy, Henry, and Sara. **

**Summary: Solving a case doesn't solve everything. **

**This Is So Not Me - Chapter 1  
**

**Written by Ms. Maggs**

When Greg walked into the dimly lit locker room and saw Nick sitting on a bench with his head in his hands, Greg quietly asked, "You okay?"

Lost in thought, Nick jumped at the question.

"Sorry." Greg knew better than to startle the guy who still suffered from a tinge of PTSD. "I thought you heard me walk in."

"No."

"Is it the case or…"

"I can't get that image of Tommy pullin' away from Jess and just leavin' her there." The scene kept playing in his head like a movie. "The poor girl lost her parents, lived with an abusive brother, and now she doesn't have the one person she could count on." His voice flipped from empathy to anger. "The person who was left to care for Jess abused her for years and then raped the person she loved. I'm honestly sorry the bastard's dead 'cause if anyone deserved to be someone's bitch behind bars, it was Wayne Smith."

"You're not really advocating rape as punishment, are you?"

"Maybe I'm more of 'an eye for eye' guy than I thought I was."

Greg quickly retorted with a Gandhi quote, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

"You're tellin' me you never wanted to bash in the faces of the guys who bashed yours?"

"Did you ever hear me say I wanted to?"

"Just because you didn't say it when we were talkin' doesn't mean you weren't thinkin' it."

"Yes it does. Not saying what you're really thinking is you, not me." Leaning against his locker, Greg stuck to the facts. "Look…you solved the case, got Tommy help from Victim Services, and reached out personally. You already went above and beyond the call. There's nothing more you can do to help him or the girl. Some guys need time and space after being victimized and the last thing they want is someone touching them. You know that. You also know that feeling doesn't last forever, so stay positive and move on."

Still reeling from the emotions the case had invoked, Nick snapped, "Maybe I don't tell ya what I'm thinkin' because I know you'll just tell me not to think about it anymore. Ever think of that possibility, Einstein? Why waste my breath?"

"Just because I give you the answer you **need** to hear instead of the answer you **want **to hear doesn't mean I don't care or don't listen to you, and don't make this about me when it has nothing to do with me." Grabbing his jacket, the tired CSI sighed. "You know the right answer is 'you need to let it go'."

"Just like that." Nick shook his head. "That's you, and Catherine, and Grissom. Not me. It's never been me." When he saw Sara trudging into the locker room, he added, "And it's not Sara either."

"Huh?" The exhausted CSI ran her fingers through her mussed hair. "I just got back from a quad in Parhump, so yeah, not me…for whatever it is someone wants me to do. It's definitely not me doing it."

"No." Greg smiled at his disheveled and smelly friend. "Nick was saying you're not like me, you're like him. You have a hard time letting go after a case that hits too close to home." When Greg first went into the field, he internalized everything, lost his sense of humor, and stopped sleeping, but a near-death experience and three months of intense counseling had changed his perspective for the better. "If you keep taking on the burden, you get overwhelmed, and when you're overwhelmed you can't give new victims one hundred percent. It's a trap. You think you're helping by not letting go after a case, but really you're hurting the next victim's chances for justice."

Nick took offense. "Sanders, when the hell haven't I been able to give one hundred and ten percent on case?"

"Will you get offended if I don't stick around for this spat?" Sara asked, hoping a little humor would help. "I want to be a good friend to both of you, but after pulling a triple, I really need to get home and get horizontal." She hoped Greg would see the easy opportunity for a joke and run with it.

Greg laughed, "Is that code for 'I have a hot webcam date with my Parisian hubby'?"

Hearing lighthearted laughter only irritated Nick more. "Actually, I have to be somewhere too." He made a beeline for the door.

"Where do you have to be?" Greg called out.

"Away!"

When the locker room door closed a little too loudly, Sara flashed a sympathetic smile. "If it makes you feel any better, if my husband were here he would agree with you and be giving Nick the same advice. He gave me the same advice plenty of times."

"Yeah, and after hearing Grissom's advice for years, you didn't just bolt from the locker room one day, you bolted to the jungle."

"True, but I'm happy now."

"Because you bolted from Grissom again?"

"I told you, I didn't bolt from Grissom." Sara confidently stated her reasons again. "I bolted to Vegas to earn money so that my husband and I can work together completing a research project on our body farm. I swear, there's no trouble in paradise. I had a completely romantic reason for bolting this time."

"If your idea of romance is sharing a DB with the one you love."

"I'd say you should try it sometime, but…

"Been there, done that." Smiling sweetly, Greg threw his jacket over his shoulder. "Thanks for trying to make me feel better even though you suck at it."

"Making people feel better is so you, not me."

"I'm sure Nick would disagree with you," he remarked on the way to the door. "See ya."

Taking a seat on the bench, Sara checked her watch. When she saw the time, she grabbed her cell phone to text Grissom and say she was running late for their cyber date.

As Greg trudged down the hall replaying the scene with Nick in his head, he heard Mandy's voice shrilling behind him.

"Stop talking!" Mandy whisper-yelled at Henry. "Which part of I don't want to talk about it anymore don't you understand?! Stop talking!"

Greg couldn't stop himself from turning around. "Everything okay?" When Mandy screamed 'yes' and Henry desperately huffed 'no', he knew the lab rats were fighting again. He wanted to tell them to get a room and get it over with already, but since he was already batting zero for the day, he opted to keep his mouth shut.

"He called my boyfriend a jerk."

"He is!" Henry informed Greg. "He cancelled on her again. That's four times this month."

"He works in the DA's office. He's a busy guy with an important job."

Henry exasperatedly asked, "Why is she letting him take advantage of her?"

Mandy snapped at Greg, "Why does he think my love life is any of his business?"

"Because I'm her friend!" Henry answered.

"Tell him he doesn't sound like a friend, he sounds like my mother and since I already have a meddling mother, I don't need a second one."

Greg just stood there letting his co-workers fight through him.

"She's only putting up with the jerk because her sisters are both pregnant again." Henry vehemently nodded at his buddy. "She's hearing the tick-tock of her biological clock and is afraid if she breaks up with her deadbeat boyfriend, she'll be giving up on her chance to settle down and have a family. She's only 32. Eggs don't really start to decline until after 35 and assuming she has a healthy uterus…"

"31 and a half!" Mandy turned to shoot daggers directly at Henry. "And you have **no right** to talk about my eggs or my…"

"Time out!" Greg made a T with his hands and stepped in between the ever-quarreling lab rats. "Run, Mandy."

"I owe you one, Sanders!" Mandy huffed as she resumed storming down the hall.

"Dude!" Greg chided his socially-dysfunctional lab buddy. "What the hell are thinking? Chicks don't want to hear a guy talking about her rotting eggs and barren uterus. That's a perfect 10 on the buzzkill chart."

"I'm just trying to help her."

"Would you think I was helping you if I stood here yelling 'aww, don't worry that you have a small penis, Henry, everyone knows size doesn't really matter'?"

The news coming as a huge relief, Henry broke into a brilliant smile. "I'd feel great." He immediately sobered. "Were you just saying that to make me feel better or do girls really think that size doesn't matter?"

"I think girls care more about what you do with your mouth than your…"

"Wait." Henry glanced around to make sure they were still alone. "Do you mean kissing or…"

"Talking!" Greg yelled, "I mean talking! You need to cure your verbal diarrhea and stop saying what she doesn't want to hear."

"You mean lie to her?"

"No, don't lie to her, just don't tell her the truth."

The MIT genius asked, "How exactly am I supposed to not tell the truth without lying?"

"Simple." Greg counseled, "You change the subject and make your move." When he saw the man was flummoxed, he gave an example. "If Mandy says her boyfriend called and cancelled their date, you don't tell the truth and say the guy's a jerk and she's an idiot for taking his bullshit, you just say 'Wow, that guy must really love his job, because if I were in a relationship with a gorgeous, intelligent woman like you, I wouldn't be able to cancel our date. Or I'd at least stop by and bring you some gooey brownies to give you a raincheck in person. How does he handle not seeing you for days at a time?"

"That's so not me."

"I know." Greg dropped a hand on his buddy's shoulder. "But like any cute little puppy, I think you're trainable."

"Wait…why should I take your advice when your methods didn't work with Sara? She married Grissom, not you."

Ignoring the question, Greg pointed at his pal. "Gooey brownies. Trust me."

"Brownies, not flowers?" Henry asked, recalling his father always bringing his mother flowers on special occasions or when he screwed up. "Wouldn't a rose be better?"

"No, Mandy's allergic to roses, but she loves the gooey brownies from the bakery across the street."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm a CSI. It's my job to be observant." After checking his watch, Greg gave one last piece of advice. "Just chill out and be her non-judgmental friend. That'll put you in the perfect position to pick up the pieces when she wakes up and realizes her boyfriend is a total loser who isn't worthy of licking her boots." He whispered, "If you boost her self-esteem when she's feeling vulnerable and manage to get her in the sack when she's desperate for TLC, odds are she won't care about your um…little issue."

"Are you speaking from experience?" Henry asked with a hopeful lilt.

"With my size 13 feet?" Greg laughed. "Hell no."

* * *

"I hope he rots in hell," Mandy snarled as she grabbed another tissue from the box Wendy was holding. Standing in the Ladies Room with her supportive best friend, the dejected girlfriend stopped ranting to blow her nose.

"The DA's office is a busy place. How do you know he's not telling the truth about getting dragged into court all day?"

"Because his secretary is out with swine flu and I guess the temp they have covering for her didn't know she was supposed to cover for my bastard boyfriend. She spilled the beans that Randall went to lunch with Becky from the Sex Crimes division." Her blood boiled thinking of that bimbo banging her boyfriend. "Ironic isn't it? He's committing the crime of infidelity with a supposed do-gooder from the Sex Crimes Unit."

"Yeah, sometimes I think all those holier than thou prosecutors and Victims Services folks get so fed up doing good all day that they have to be naughty at night." Wendy sighed, "At least that's what I told myself when Jack from Social Services dumped me for a stripper." She glanced down at her chest. "But deep down I knew it was my lack of double Ds."

"And his lack of morals." Mandy sniffled into a tissue. "I don't think there are any nice, straight guys left who aren't hapless geeks suffering from terminal cases of verbal diarrhea who only make me feel **worse **about myself, not better."

Thinking of Hodges and his significant behavior improvements over the past year, Wendy smiled, "I don't know. I think even the most hapless geek is trainable. Look at Hodges. He seemed hopelessly incapable of ever uttering the right thing, but just yesterday he said something that made my day. That's light years away from when I first met him and every other sentence was an insult." Looking back on their arduous journey to love, she remarked, "Sure it's required the patience of a saint and the tolerance of Gandhi, but it's happening. It's finally happening."

Even though her heart was aching, Mandy joked, "Maybe you can score a reality show."

"The Lab Rat Matchmaker?"

"I was thinking instead of The Dog Whisperer, you could be The Geek Whisperer. Hodges can be your testimonial success story."

Wendy joined in the laughter. "Do I get to make him wear a studded collar and lead him around on leash?"

"Please tell me that's not really one of your Hodges fantasies. I'm still recovering from the Sci Fi ones you shared with me that night we went to that martini bar and sampled ever drink on the menu." Mandy perked up. "Ooh! We should go back there right now and drown my sorrows."

"I really don't want to leave you alone when you're so down, but I'm a guest lecturer at UNLV today."

"That's right, I forgot about that. It's okay." Mandy walked over to the sink to splash water on her face. "I should use the extra time to catch up on my backlog. When I'm done, I'll stop by the bakery and drown my sorrows in a box full of gooey brownies."

"Here." Wendy handed over a ten dollar bill. "Since I can't commiserate with my best friend, I at least want to pay for her brownies."

"Thanks, and maybe you're right about the hapless geek thing."

After trying to push her best pal and Henry together for months, the Geek Whisperer filled with delight. "Really? You're ready to give a geek a try?"

Mandy sniffled and nodded. "Just give me a few days to eat brownies and lick my wounds, okay?"

"Is that code for having a one-night stand with a vapid hunk?"

"You know it." Returning her glasses to her face, the lab rat remarked in a sultry voice, "My naughty librarian look is bad boy kryptonite."

Wendy chuckled with her friend. "Anyone who talks kryptonite is a geek in disguise." She grabbed her purse from the sink counter. "Ooh! That just reminded me. I have an Ebay bid on an authentic Astro Quest shock necklace." She hurried for the door. "I want to give it to Hodges for Christmas."

"Yeah, nothing says 'thinking of you this holiday season' like a shock collar."

"Trust me, he'll love it."

"The man's a perv, of course he will. All men are pervs." Mandy's anger returned with a vengeance. "Is it wrong that I want Randall to get his man parts stuck in Miss Sex Crimes body piercings and have to go to the ER to have it surgically removed?"

"I think Gray's Anatomy did that storyline once."

"People still watch that show?"

"I used to." Smiling at Hodges as she strolled down the hall, Wendy said, "Now that I'm a professional Geek Whisperer, I don't have time for TV dramas. Between vintage toy shopping, perfecting my Xbox technique, and staying current with Nat Geo, my schedule is full."

* * *

When Greg woke up on the couch and saw it was dark both in the living room and outside, he scrambled to check the time on his watch. "Ten o'clock?!" Knowing Catherine wanted him in early, he jumped off the couch, stepping directly into the empty cookie box he had carefully placed on the floor earlier. "Dammit!" Sprinkles and crumbs were everywhere. "Why didn't you wake me?!" he yelled down the hall. "I told you I had meeting." Grabbing a dust pan from under the kitchen sink, he mumbled to himself, "My mother's cookies always put me in a sugar coma. I wonder if she keeps her valium bottle next to the mixer and accidentally spills a few pills in the bowl."

After tossing the pan full of crumbs in the trash, Greg hustled down the hall to the bedroom. "Why didn't you…" When he saw the bed was still made, he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. "No messages."

He quickly fired off a text. _where are u? _

He immediately got a reply. _work where are u?_

"Where am I?" He furiously texted back_. i just got off the couch why didn't u wake me when you left?_ He tossed his clothes while he waited for a reply.

_sorry wasn't there_

_where were u?_

_out_

"Obviously!" he yelled at the phone as he typed. _Where?_

_working can't talk _

_the customer can wait!_

_later_

"We both know that's code for you're not going to like the answer, Greg." On his way to the shower, he called Catherine. Thankfully the call went to voicemail. "Hey, it's Greg. I'm going to be a few minutes late. The case file and my notes are on my desk if you want them. Sorry, my alarm didn't go off. I'll be there as soon as I can."

* * *

"Hey!" Wendy waved to Hodges in the parking lot and burst into a smile when he waved back and started walking toward her.

"It's Guest Lecturer Simms," the smitten man said with a flirtatious flair. "How did it go at UNLV?"

Thrilled that her geek was asking all the right questions, she excitedly said, "It went great. Better than great. Awesome."

Standing under a parking lot light post, he nervously asked, "So, no trouble with the slides or the…"

"No, everything worked perfectly. Just like you showed me. Thank you." Noticing his new, stylish bistro stripe button-down, she knew he had been sifting through the J Crew catalogs she had conveniently left open on the table in the break room.

"Anytime." Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Hodges anxiously grinned at his nemesis-turned-crush. "I was happy to help."

After some awkward silence, Wendy asked, "New shirt?"

"Yes." He masked his appreciation of the comment. "I um…I wasn't sure of the color." Sliding a hand across his chest, the exacting Trace Tech remarked, "But it's two-ply cotton with a peached finish, so it's very soft."

"Peached finish makes it really soft huh?" She fought the urge to find out for herself and changed the subject back to color, not feel. "Blue's a really good color for you."

"It's Deep Surf actually."

She smiled at the geektasticness of the exacting comment.

"Speaking of shades." Hodges nervously cleared his throat. "That's a new shade of lipstick you're wearing."

"I bought it to wear to my presentation," she answered before licking her lips.

"I knew it." He leaned in for a closer inspection.

Wendy's heart skipped a beat when it seemed a surprise kiss was imminent. But when she saw his **eyes **headed for her mouth instead of his lips, she knew her Trace Tech boyfriend-to-be was thinking with his brain, not his heart.

"Revlon Mineral Lipglaze," Hodges announced after stepping back. "Unlimited Nectar. Am I right?"

"Yes," she answered with a loving sigh. "You really do know your lipstick."

"There's a lot of cheating going on in this town, which means a lot of lipstick evidence."

Way to kill the mood, she thought, loving him just the same. "Do you ever wonder how they come up with the names for lipstick?"

"No." He chuckled, "Because I already know."

"Silly me." She returned his sweet laugh. "Of course you do." Walking towards the lab entrance, Wendy said, "I bet you even know what 'peached-finish' fabric means and how it's made."

"As a matter of fact, I do." He gushed with pride. "The best peach finish fabric currently comes from China. The Guangdong province to be exact."

In that moment, as David Hodges rambled on about the merits of the carbonized peach finishing process, Wendy knew **exactly** how she felt...hopelessly in love.

* * *

Thanks for reading!

Maggs


	2. Chapter 2

**This Is So Not Me – Chapter 2**

**Written by Ms. Maggs**

"I got here as fast as I could," Greg breathlessly exclaimed as he rushed into the conference room. "Sorry." When he saw Catherine, Ecklie, and the rep from the DA's office, Randall Evans, glare at him, he hurried to throw his files on the table and take a seat.

"Sanders!" Ecklie yelled as warm coffee spilled on the table and his pants. "Dammit!"

"Sorry!" Greg rushed to grab the tissue box from the table.

When Ecklie saw the damage, he snarled, "If that coffee had been hot, you'd be out of a job." The boss huffed out of the conference room to change his clothes. "I leave the dry cleaning bill in your mailbox."

Evans turned to Catherine and winked. "I hope your CSIs are more punctual and careful at the scene than they are at meetings."

"I assure you they are," Catherine replied through a fake smile while vowing to assign Greg every dumpster dump in town.

When Greg saw the coffee had splashed onto Catherine's silk blouse, he knew he was in for a long string of horrible assignments. "Sorry."

* * *

"The bastard apologized," Mandy announced as she walked into the DNA Lab. "He delivered a dozen red roses." She set the vase on Wendy's desk.

"Aren't you allergic to roses?" The curious friend inspected the flowers.

"Yeah, but I never told him I was. Check the card." Mandy handed it over.

"These roses are red, you have every right to wish me dead, but I swear nothing happened. Forgiven?"

"Should I believe him?"

"No. Everyone knows 'I swear nothing happened' is code for 'I know you can't prove that anything happened and if I keep sticking to my story maybe you'll stick around long enough for me to cheat on you again."

"Exactly."

"So you told him to go to hell, right?"

"Not exactly," Mandy squeaked.

Wendy flashed her most disapproving glare.

"I know! I know! I'm being totally stupid, but…"

"But what?" Wendy shrilled.

"He's so hot and soooo good in..."

"Is that all that matters to you?"

Mandy snickered, "If you saw what he was hiding under his stuffy court suit, you'd see my perspective."

Wendy shook her head. "Ten years ago, I would agree with you, even five years ago, but now…no. I need a guy to be more than a good time in the sack. What about your pride?"

"I have pride," Mandy confirmed, "but my libido has veto power over it."

"If you keep talking like that I'm calling Dr. Drew."

Mandy teased her friend, "And if your vow of celibacy goes on much longer I'm going to call The Sisters of Saint Mary's to see if they have room for you."

"I'm in a relationship. It's just not…"

"Normal."

"It's not _modern_," Wendy countered. "It's an old fashioned relationship with a lot of mutual respect, a long courtship and…"

"No touching."

"Don't you have some prints to process?" Wendy droned.

"Yeah." Mandy fluffed her lab coat. "Enjoy the roses for me."

"You get the sleazy bastard with perfect abs and I get his beautiful roses." Sniffing the fragrant flowers, Wendy sighed, "I'm the lucky one."

* * *

When Hodges saw a beautiful bouquet of roses in the DNA lab, his heart skipped a beat. Who were they from? What was the significance? But before he could investigate further, Greg stormed into the room.

"Did you finish my hair fibers off my Jane Doe?"

"I'm in the middle of something," Hodges curtly replied. "Come back later."

"No." After getting chewed out by Catherine, Greg wasn't in the mood for games.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't act like you don't understand the word the word no when you hear it from women all the time."

"Didn't your mommy ever tell you that you catch more flies with honey?"

"So you're finally admitting you're an insect."

Not dignifying the comment with a reply, Hodges walked over and grabbed a file. "Here's what you came for." He held up a piece of paper, but instead of handing it over, he ran it through the shredder. "Oops."

"I can't believe you did that." Greg despondently stared at the remains of his report. "Okay, I'm sorry for coming in here like a bully. I was having a shit night before I got here, then I got here and spilled coffee on Ecklie, made a fool out of myself in front of a DA wannabe, and now I'm in the dog house with Catherine **again**." He sunk to begging his nemesis. "Please give me my results."

"It's too late to be nice." Hodges smugly made a counter offer, "But if you do something for me, I'll print you a second copy."

"I feel obligated to warn you that sexual harassment is against the law."

"Eww." After shaking off the repulsive thought, Hodges walked over and whispered. "The second you find out who sent that vase of roses sitting in DNA and to whom they were sent, I'll give you your results."

Greg nodded and hustled over to DNA. "Wendy!"

"Sorry, I won't be able to get to your…"

"That's not why I'm here." Grinning, Greg sold out Hodges. "Between you and me, your stalker across the hall wants to know who sent you roses."

"Really?!" Wendy giggled, "Is he jealous?"

"If he were any greener, he'd be Kermit the Frog."

Thrilled to hear her man was frazzled over the roses, she said, "Tell him that Mandy's boyfriend, Randall, sent them to her. She's allergic to roses, so she gave them to me."

"Not Randall Evans."

Wendy nodded.

"Mandy's dating that d-bag?"

"Where have you been?"

"He just made an ass out of me in front of Catherine and Ecklie."

"I find that easy to believe." When she saw Greg's hurt expression, Wendy clarified, "Not because you're an ass, because he's a sleazy jerk."

"Yeah, I believe the sleazy part, because when I left the conference room, he wasn't thinking of his girlfriend, he was trying to hook up with Catherine."

"Seriously?"

"He suggested they meet for drinks and discuss how their departments can work together more effectively. Then I saw them walk into her office together."

Wendy gasped. "We have to tell Mandy."

"Tell Mandy what?" Mandy asked when she popped into the room. "My ears were burning."

While Wendy delivered the bad news, Greg darted across the hall to get his Trace results. "They're from some professor she met yesterday when she was presenting at UNLV. He asked her out for drinks on the card. Can I have my results now?"

The news was devastating.

"Did she say yes?"

Greg burst into a grin. "Sorry, the deal was 'who sent the roses' and 'to whom were they sent'."

"I'll put your next case at the top of the pile."

"My next three."

Hodges slapped the results into Greg's waiting palm. "Deal."

"No, she didn't say yes." Putting his disdain for Hodges aside, Greg thought of Wendy and sweetly said, "She told me she's sort of in a relationship with someone she really cares about, so she doesn't want to see anyone else until she knows if that relationship is going anywhere."

"Of course she said no." Hodges stood tall as his cheeks grew flush. "Simms has incredibly high standards." When he saw Mandy snatch the vase of flowers, his smile grew. "Looks like she doesn't even want that pathetic bouquet around her anymore so she's giving it to Mandy."

"Beaver?" Greg exclaimed when he saw the lab results. "That was Beaver hair on my Jane Doe's shirt. Really?"

"Unlike you, I don't make mistakes."

"Unlike you, I'm not afraid to talk to girls." Greg left his conceited co-worker alone to salivate and rushed into the hall to deliver his findings to Catherine.

"Sanders!" Mandy chased him down. "Would you do me a favor and bring these to reception and tell the Judy to give them back to lover boy when he's leaving."

"Uh." Feeling sorry for his friend who was on the verge of tears, Greg opted not to say he was in a hurry and took the vase. "You bet."

She turned so her co-worker wouldn't see her welling up.

"Hey, Mandy." Greg smiled at her. "It's his loss. Any guy would be lucky to call you his girlfriend."

"Thanks," she sniffled, before making a beeline for the Ladies Room.

With Trace results in one hand and the vase of roses in the other, the stressed CSI raced to the lobby, but when he arrived, he saw someone else approaching the counter. It was the woman from Victim Services that had stopped by to see Nick the other day to discuss Tommy.

"I'm here to see Nick Stokes," April kindly informed the receptionist.

"Was he expecting you?" Judy asked.

"I'm returning his jacket."

Greg's ears perked higher.

"He left it at my place," April replied with a smirk. "I was in the neighborhood so I thought I'd deliver it."

"I'll take it." Greg set down the vase and held out his hand. "I'm Greg Sanders. I share an office with Nick, so I can give it to him."

"Oh, he didn't mention sharing an office with anyone." Disappointed that her plan to see Nick was failing, April said, "I also needed to give Nick some information about a case too, so I'd rather do it myself, thanks."

"He's not in right now," Judy announced with glee.

"Don't worry," Greg assured the obviously disappointed woman, "I'll be sure to tell him you stopped by."

Realizing she would look like a stalker if she didn't let go of the man's jacket, April handed it over. "Thanks. Could you also give him a note from me?" Grabbing a notepad and envelope from her purse, she quickly filled a piece of paper. "Here."

"I'll make sure he gets the message." Greg nodded and forced a smile. "Trust me."

"Thank you." Her mission unaccomplished, April turned and sulked her way to the exit.

Judy sighed, "From the looks of things, I'd say that Victims Services woman is the latest victim of the Texan's charms. She's cute and has a decent body. I give it two weeks." According to the grapevine, the cowboy's record was two and a half weeks, but more often than not he didn't call women after one date.

"Yeah." Greg peeled his eyes off April's retreating image. "Oh, I almost forgot, Mandy wants you to catch Randall Evans on the way out and tell him to…"

"Shove these flowers where the sun don't shine?"

"That'll work." Greg hurried to get around the corner so he could read the note.

* * *

"Hey," Hodges casually greeted the love of his life when he saw Wendy entering the breakroom clutching the Astro Quest coffee mug he had given her once as a peace offering. "Busy night."

"Yeah and it just got worse." Wendy marched for the coffee pot. "Nick dropped off a bag of twenty-two condoms."

"I know Stokes has a reputation as a ladies man, but twenty-two women in one night. Wow." Hodges grinned. "Me, I'm more of a traditional, one woman kind of guy."

"Good to know," she murmured behind her coffee cup.

"I um…" He moved closer and worked up the nerve to say what was on his mind. "I couldn't help but notice the vase of roses in your lab earlier."

"They weren't mine," she stated, pretending that Greg hadn't told her Hodges wanted to know. "They were sent to Mandy, but she's allergic so she had me keep them until she decided what to do with them."

Through gritted teeth, he said, "Sanders is a dead man."

"What?"

"I helped Sanders with a dead man," he covered.

Wendy nodded after taking a sip of coffee. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I have condoms calling my name."

Hodges fought the urge to blurt 'so do I'. "I'm all caught up in Trace, so if you need some help."

"Sure." Happy for the concern as well as the extra pair of hands, Wendy started for the door. "You hold them open with tweezers and I'll swab."

"It's a date," he joked, hoping to gauge her reaction to the use of the d-word.

Wendy laughed, "I never dreamed that our first date would start with used condoms."

"I have." Realizing he had blurted his naughty thoughts, Hodges tried to cover, "That was a joke. I never…"

"Dreamed of being with me?"

"Uh." The romantically-challenged man worked through the two possible answers in his head. If I say no, then it will make her feel unattractive, but if I say yes, it will make me seem like a pervert. Thankfully he was rescued by Catherine before he was forced to give an answer.

"Hodges!" Catherine waved him over. "I need you in my office."

* * *

When Nick walked into their office and took a seat at his desk, Greg didn't look up from his file. "Where were you?"

"Friggin' bachelor party." Nick reclined in his chair. "Thirty-six guys, ten working girls, two bartenders, and one DB, who turned out to be the groom to-be. That's why I couldn't talk when you called. Sure, the customer could wait, but I wasn't just dealin' with the DB, man, I had ten shrieking strippers to swab and question."

Glancing up, Greg decided to restate his question. "I meant where…"

"It's freezing in here." Nick rubbed his bare arms.

Greg had purposely turned the air down. "Maybe you should put on your jacket."

When his jacket landed on his desk, Nick knew he was busted.

"Your new best friend, April, stopped by to say you left it at her place. She was really bummed she couldn't give it to you personally." Trying not to sound upset, Greg asked, "Is that where you were? Her place?"

"Yes, but I can explain."

After making sure the office door was closed, Greg said, "You can explain why her lipstick is on your jacket collar and why she drifted into the lobby on Cloud 9?"

"I'm sure the lipstick transferred when she hugged me."

"Why did she hug you?"

"Because I got upset."

"About what?"

Recalling the argument they had about the case, Nick flippantly replied, "Oh **now** you want to know what I'm thinkin'. That's funny, 'cause you really didn't seem to care when I was tryin' to tell you this morning."

"Is **that** what this is about?" Greg's voice cracked, "You went to her place just to get back at me for not enabling you?"

"No." Nick struggled to keep his voice down. "I went to her office to talk about the case, but I wasn't comfortable there because people were comin' and goin', so she suggested we move the conversation to her place."

"And you thought that was a good idea?"

"She knows about people bein' victimized so…"

"Like I don't know what it's like to be victimized?"

"You didn't want to talk about it!"

"You're right! Because I knew this would happen if you kept thinking about it."

"I thought April could help me..."

"Yeah, she really does sound like a helpful girl." Greg tossed over the note the woman had left. "I can't believe this is happening again."

"It's not!" Nick tucked the note in his pocket without reading it.

"Your brother just had another kid, your parents are coming to town next week, and you worked a rape case. It's the perfect storm." Greg shook his head. "I should have seen it coming. Why didn't I see it coming?" He answered his own question. "Because I didn't want to see it coming."

Acutely aware of the glass walls, Nick reminded his partner, "We can't have this conversation here."

"I can't have this conversation anywhere." His emotions getting the best of him, Greg stood to leave, "I also can't have it now, later, or ever. I'm done with this conversation and I'm done with…"

"Don't…" Nick stopped talking when Catherine walked in barking orders.

"Greg, I just got a 419 at the Phantasy Motel." Grinning, she handed over the slip of paper. "Make sure you wear your flea collar."

Without making eye contact, he grabbed the paper headed for the door.

"Hey, Greg." Feeling bad about what happened earlier, Catherine said, "Don't worry about Evans, I talked him down and my next stop is Ecklie's office to make sure he knows you're usually not late or clumsy. You were just having an off night."

"That's an understatement." Thankful for the sliver of kindness, Greg nodded. "Thanks, Cath, I won't let it happen again."

Once they were alone, Nick asked, "What happened?"

"He got here late, came rushing into the conference room, knocked over Ecklie's coffee, and then when we finally got settled down to go over the report with Evans, Greg realized he had brought the wrong file. Evans went off on him, calling him incompetent, among other things." Feeling guilty, Catherine took a seat and confessed, "I was in a pissy mood because I had a fight with Lindsay before coming here and then Greg splashed coffee all over my new blouse. I ended up joining in the tirade against him instead of helping smooth things over." She shook her head. "When I saw how dejected he looked just now, I remembered that 'lack of support' was something Riley cited in her exit interview. Grissom always stood up for me and you snapped at Ecklie when he came after me a few weeks ago, so why don't I do the same?"

"You go into self-preservation mode," Nick answered. "It's instinctual for you, Cath. You've had to look out for yourself since you were a teenager; it's not natural for you to think of other people first. You're use to protecting yourself and your interests."

"I love you, Nicky." Catherine laughed as she stood up. "That's without a doubt the nicest way anyone has ever called me a bitch."

"Hey now, I didn't…"

"Trust me, the shoe fits." She winked at him from the door. "On the bright side, my piss-poor management style scored me a hot date with Randall Evans and if it goes well, I'll be in a much better mood tomorrow."

"Go, Cougars!" Nick teased, trying to pretend his world wasn't spinning out of control again.

"If I'm late tomorrow night, will you cover for me?"

"You know it." He chuckled until she was gone and then dove into his pocket to retrieve the note. It was worse than he had imagined. "Shit. No wonder he's pissed."

* * *

Thanks for the comments on the last chapter and thanks for reading this one,

Maggs


	3. Chapter 3

**This Is So Not Me – Chapter 3**

**Written by Ms. Maggs**

"Hi, Sara." David acknowledged his co-worker with a nod as he passed by on the way to his vehicle. "I'm on my way back with the body. You'll want to cover your shoes. It's a mess in there."

"Thanks for the warning." She ducked under the tape to enter the motel room crime scene.

"Hey, Sara," Vartann smiled at his favorite CSI. "Sanders will be happy to see you. It's a bloodbath in there."

"So I've heard." Sara set down her kit and covered her shoes with a fresh pair of white booties. "Where's Greg?"

"Bathroom."

When she arrived in the doorway and saw Greg photographing a bath tub full of red fluid, she said, "I didn't know Vartann was being literal when he said it was a bloodbath."

Startled by the voice, Greg whirled around. "Hey." After the rocky start to the night, he was thrilled to see a friendly face. "What are you doing here?"

"Catherine thought you might need some help."

"Definitely." Greg ran through the details. "Housekeeping found the DB in the tub and the manager identified him as the man who rented this room two days ago - Darren Oakes, 39 from Houston."

"Who uses their real ID when they're checking into a no-tell motel?"

"Exactly what I thought, but Vartann ran the license and verified. Married, four kids with a house in the 'burbs." Greg walked into the bedroom. "Mr. Oakes was here for the insurance convention and checked into the Hilton with his co-workers three days ago using a corporate card. In between convention meetings, he used cash to rent a room here. So far everyone Vartann has questioned didn't remember seeing anyone coming or going, but from what I saw in the bedroom, someone else definitely came and went."

"Sounds like the old 'walk on the wild side gone wrong' scenario."

"Maybe, but there are no signs of a struggle, the guy had two slashed wrists, and his wallet is still on the dresser with cash in it."

"Sounds too easy."

"Yeah, but that's not how my night's going, so…"

"Maybe your luck's turning."

"I doubt it."

Sara shook her head. "When was the last time you had a night off?"

"I'm too tired to remember," he replied, forcing a chuckle

Recalling the tension in the locker room that morning, she said, "Tomorrow's my night off. I'll cover your shift if you want me to."

Greg jumped at the offer. "Seriously?"

"You were always there for me when I needed a break or an ear. I owe you." She smiled at her exhausted friend. "Start making plans."

Remembering he was at odds with Nick, he wasn't sure how he'd be spending the night.

"And if you need to talk about..." She paused to glance over her shoulder before finishing her thought. "If you need to talk about what you're not allowed to talk about, you know you still can trust me, right?" She joked, "I mean, in case you were worried that I'm under some archaic obligation to tell my husband everything, I'm not. Unlike some women, I managed to get married and keep my name, brains, and rights."

"Thanks, I might take you up on that too." In that moment Greg realized exactly how grateful he was to have Sara back. "But for now, I'd settle for you helping me find a sharp object in this bloodbath."

"I'll get the strainer."

* * *

"Pasta or fish?" April pondered out loud as she flipped through a Rachel Ray cooking magazine. Since Nick was a Texan, she guessed he might prefer beef, but as a vegetarian, the thought of stinking up her condo with cow made her stomach turn. "Pasta it is."

After tearing out the recipe for Thai Pasta with Vegetables, she checked the clock on her bedside table. Noting that it was almost one in the morning, she forced herself to turn off the lights. While she had a long day at the office tomorrow, Nick would be sleeping during the day. If he was going to arrive for their dinner date rested and refreshed, she needed to snooze, because the last thing she wanted was to fall asleep on the hunk when he was up for an all-nighter.

* * *

"We've been here all night," Sara stated as sunlight fought its way through the dirty motel windows.

"Yeah." Greg held up his latest bag of evidence. "We have enough prints and DNA to place two dozen people in this room." It was hard to believe housekeeping found the vic, because it was obvious that nothing had been cleaned in weeks. "I think the only thing housekeeping does after each guest is change the sheets and fill the coin-operated condom dispenser."

"Hey, did you get the coins?"

"No, I thought you did."

Shaking her head, Sara walked over to the machine with the keys the manager had given her. "I hope most people bring their own," she remarked while opening the coin compartment and letting the contents spill on a plastic evidence bag. "Nope."

Greg didn't hide his disappointment. "There have to be two hundred coins in that pile! Doesn't anyone have unsafe sex anymore?" When Sara flashed him a look, he grumbled, "I don't _really_ want people to have unsafe sex, I'm just not in the mood to print all those coins."

"I figured."

Although the call originally looked like a suicide, the lack of a sharp object had them thinking 'cover-up'. "I told you we wouldn't luck out with this one."

Before Sara could reply, her cell phone beeped. "It's David."

"I need to grab some more bags from my truck." What he really needed was fresh air. Emerging from the motel room, Greg squinted and retracted from sunlight like a vampire. It was already seven and they had at least two hours ahead of them.

"Sanders!"

When Greg glanced up and saw Nick approaching with two grande Starbucks cups, he burst into a smile. Then he remembered April's note and his irritation returned with a vengeance. "It's gonna take a lot more than a five dollar…"

"Take the damn coffee." Nick thrust the cup forward. "No matter how pissed you are at me, you can't afford to crash your Denali on the way back to the lab."

"If you insist, Assistant Supervisor, Stokes." Greg reluctantly accepted the cup and took a sip. "Triple shot hazelnut latte, huh?" He glared over the top of the cup. "Now I know you did something wrong."

Nick tried to win points with his smile. "No, then I woulda went with the venti and coughed up the extra fifty cents for soy."

"Or maybe you bought this lactose-filled grande so I would think that."

Waving to Sara walking out of the motel room, Nick changed the subject. "Coffee delivery." He held up the cup. "Come and get it."

"Wow. Thanks." Sara wrapped her hand around the cup. "I can't believe a tight-wad like you paid for this overpriced swill." After a lengthy sip, she moaned with pleasure. "Mmm, that's really good swill. Thanks for remembering to get me soy."

"You got her soy?" Greg blurted.

"She doesn't drink cow's milk."

Sara snickered, "And what do cow's drink, Nick?"

The unamused man rolled his eyes. "Sidle, the statute of limitations on that joke was up years ago."

"Really? I didn't get that memo."

Greg shook his head. "Sara, what would your husband think if he found out Nick was flirting with you and springing for soy?"

She laughed, "Hey, what happened to what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?" She held up her cell phone to show Greg a photo. "Dead bloodbath man was trying to hide something too."

Looking at the photo of two razor blades, Greg said, "Where were they?"

"Inside him." Sara shared her theory with her co-workers. "We'll have to wait for tox results, but my guess is he climbed into the tub with that bottle of JD we found and the blades. He drank until he worked up the nerve to go through with it, sliced his wrists in the water, and then used the rest of the booze to swallow the blades."

The guys cringed as they played the scenario in their minds.

"Nasty way to go," Greg commented, thinking of the details.

"Not to mention slow," Nick added.

Greg pointed toward the dark alley across the way. "Guess he didn't know he could buy a gun around the corner. In this economy, he probably could have scored a pistol for less than that bottle of JD."

"Yeah," Sara agreed. "But it's harder to swallow a gun. Maybe he thought he could make it look like homicide if he swallowed the blade. Maybe his insurance doesn't pay out if it's suicide."

"Then why not Thelma and Louise it over a cliff?" Greg countered. "He's a tourist, the mountain roads are tricky. A crash under those circumstances would easily be ruled accidental."

"But you might not die." Nick recalled a case from several years back. "He could wake up in the hospital paralyzed from the neck down. Talk about hell on Earth. No, he wanted a sure thing, that's why he came to a fleabag motel where people don't get involved your business. If you hang a Do Not Disturb sign on the door, housekeeping won't come knocking until check out time, even if blood curdling screams are comin' from the room."

Sara built on that theory. "Maybe he was afraid he'd panic and try to stop the bleeding, so he swallowed the blades to make sure his plan worked no matter what."

"Exactly."

"Unless." Greg was still in the mood to argue with Nick. "Someone, like his trick, made him slit his own wrists and swallow the blades at gunpoint."

"And not take the cash from the wallet?" Sara shook her head. "No way, not in this economy." She started for her truck. "I'll be back in ten."

After his co-worker was gone, Greg turned to Nick and tossed out another theory. "What if cash wasn't the motive?"

"Occam's razor, Greg." Nick agreed with Sara. "Not that I'm not sayin' you shouldn't run with your theory, but not everything has to be complicated, some things are exactly what they seem."

"Like when a woman writes a note saying that she can't wait to spend the night getting closer, it really means that she has a date with you and is looking forward to getting close?"

"G…"

"And when she says not to forget your toothbrush and a change of clothes **this time**, it means that there was a last time and…."

"Nothing happened."

Greg asked his burning question, "Did you make plans with her for tonight?"

Nick begged his partner with his eyes, "Can we please talk about this at home?"

"I had all day to talk about shit at home, but you never came home."

"Because…"

"Forget it, if the answer was 'no', you would have answered with a very uncomplicated 'no' and if the answer is anything other than 'no', I don't want to hear it." Greg tossed his unfinished coffee in the trash and headed for the motel room. "At least I know to set my alarm this time!"

* * *

When her alarm clock sounded, April was thrilled to discover the sun peering through the window blinds. In less than ten hours, the sexy Texan would be sitting on her couch sharing a bottle of merlot. If things went as well as they had the previous day, they'd get further than smiling at each other before the night was over.

After living like a nun for the past six months, she was thrilled at the prospect of sharing her bed with someone again. Since her last boyfriend had turned out to be a cheating skank, she had been holding out for Mr. Right. When Nick Stokes showed up in her office the other day, she instantly knew the tortuous wait had come to an abrupt and unexpected end.

At first she wasn't sure if his do-gooder behavior was just an act, but it became obvious yesterday that Nick was a Ladies Man, but a gentleman with a Texas-sized heart. The entire time he was on her couch talking about Tommy and Jess, she wanted to hug him and when she finally did, it took all her willpower not to kiss him. It was clear that he wasn't the kind of guy to come on strong on the first date and make a girl feel cheap, so tonight she'd have to send out a signal that it was okay for them to move things to the bedroom, not because she was loose, because she knew their relationship was going to be so much more than a one-night stand. After all, he had even mentioned bringing her to dinner with his parents.

Searching her dresser drawers for her most irresistible lace, April knew tonight would be the beginning of the end of her days as a sex-starved single looking for love in all the wrong places.

* * *

"Mandy!" Wendy hurried into the Print Lab. "I need to ask you something and if you're not okay with it, I want you to be completely honest and tell me you're not okay with it. Okay?"

"You're bailing on me, aren't you?" Before letting her pal reply, Mandy added, "I'm sure Mr. All Talk and No Action is involved."

"Yes and yes." Wendy's smile lit the room. "He heard back from the toy company about his Lab Rats game and he asked for my input on the improvement suggestions they made. I invited him over and he said yes! He never says yes. Then I remembered that I made plans to go out with you after work."

"Don't worry about me. Go and have fun with Hodges." Mandy cringed, "That sounds so weird when you say it out loud."

"Thanks for understanding." Wendy rushed in for a hug.

"I never said I understood it!" Mandy chuckled, "I don't think I'll _ever_ understand it."

"Me either." Anticipating an interesting night, Wendy dreamily sighed, "True love is complicated."

* * *

Sitting on the edge of his living room sofa, Nick clutched his cell phone tighter and suavely replied, "I'm really lookin' forward to tonight too, April." He anxiously glanced at the clock and wondered if Greg was going to come home or choose to spend the night at his studio apartment. "Yeah, I love pasta." The protein fanatic usually avoided carbs like they were poison. "Can I bring somethin'? Sure, I'd love to bring some wine. What kind did you like? Merlot." He clutched his head. "Great." The only thing he hated more than a starchy bowl of pasta was being forced to wash it down with a glass of sweet, fruity wine. "7 o'clock. Mmm. I can't wait." The only thing he couldn't wait for was Greg's arrival. "Really? I had no idea that foot massage was great for reliving tension." He hated people who made you take off your shoes in their house, because he hated looking at people's feet. The only thing he hated more than looking at feet was the idea of someone touching his feet. "Okay, sweetheart, have a good day at work. Bye."

After closing his phone, he tossed it on the coffee table and bolted to the kitchen for another beer. "Thai pasta. Ugh." While his head was in the fridge he heard the interior door from the garage opening and a familiar rattle of keys. "You're home."

"Why do you sound surprised?" Greg set down his kit and tossed his jacket and keys on the kitchen table. "You're the one who doesn't come home as planned, not me."

"Can I talk now? Please?"

Grabbing a beer from the open fridge, Greg smiled, "Yeah." He walked past Nick, "But I'll be in the shower not listening to you."

"G, c'mon!" Nick followed him down the hall. "You know I don't have a choice here!"

Greg stopped in his tracks and whirled around. "Yes, you do."

"I know you think I do, but I don't."

Greg pulled away when Nick tried to touch him. "Save it for your girlfriend."

"She's makin' Thai pasta," the desperate man blurted while running his fingers through his hair. "When I asked her what I can bring, she asked me to pick up…Merlot." He gulped with disgust at the thought of it drinking it with peanut-butter-flavored noodles. "And she promised to give me the best tension-relieving **foot **massage of my life."

"Seriously?" Greg burst out laughing. "Peanut butter flavored noodles, fruity wine, feet, and a girl. That's pretty much your idea of a date from hell. All that's missing is a yippy poodle and a chick flick marathon."

"Exactly!" Nick plead his case, "If I made a date to eat steak, drink whiskey, and screw the bartender from martini bar at the Tangiers, you'd have every reason to be jealous, but not about this." Placing his hands on his partner's face, he softened his voice, "It means nothin' to me. I purposely picked a nice girl who won't jump me, so I won't have to have sex to keep her interested. We'll date for a week, have dinner with my parents, and as soon as they head back to Dallas, I'll give the usual, 'my job comes first, I'm not ready to have a relationship' speech and she'll dump me."

"And what about me?" Vulnerability creeping into his voice, Greg asked, "What do I mean to you?"

"Everything," Nick breathed out as their lips brushed. "You mean everything to me."

"Prove it," Greg demanded before giving into a passionate kiss. "Not like that," he panted when the button of his jeans popped.

"Tell me what you want," Nick rasped in his lover's ear. "Anything you need, baby."

"Anything? Really?" Egging him on with passionate kisses, he moaned, "Even something new?"

Nick chuckled, "I take it back, there are limits, anything but a foot massage or bondage." The thought of being tied up repulsed the former kidnapping victim as much as having his toes touched.

"I had something a little different in mind." Holding his partner at arms length, Greg stated his demands. "I want you to let me be here when you have dinner with your parents."

"Is that all?" Thinking it was a joke, the son of conservative Texans laughed, "Only if you promise to wear a frilly apron and ask my mom to help us pick out a china pattern."

"I'm serious."

"You're insane, is what you are." Nick backed away until he was standing against the wall. "You know I can't."

"You mean won't." Greg darted for the bedroom.

"I mean I **can't**." Nick followed shouting, "I can't believe you're sayin' this shit!"

"I can't believe anything you said!" Standing in front of their bed, Greg snapped, "If I really meant **anything **to you, you wouldn't make me move my stuff into storage and pretend I don't exist every time your family comes to town. It would be **impossible** to do that if I really meant **everything** to you."

"You knew that hiding our relationship was part of the deal when you moved in here." His emotions sneaking up on him, Nick shouted, "I also told you the arrangement would never change, so don't stand there and act like I'm the one changin' the rules. If I mean anything to you, then you wouldn't be standing there askin' me to do what you're askin' me to do!"

"You're right, if I really loved you, I'd iron your clothes for tonight and stuff condoms in your pocket!" Resuming his march for the shower, Greg shouted, "I can't believe what a shitty boyfriend I am!" Stepping out of the bathroom, he threw his wallet at Nick's chest. "Please use my credit card to buy the wine!"

"I'm out of here."

"Good!" Greg slammed the door, but immediately opened it. "Wait!"

"Why?! So I can listen to you…" When a toothbrush flew into this chest, Nick's jaw dropped.

"Your girlfriend asked you to bring a toothbrush, remember?!"

When Greg re-slammed the bathroom door, Nick picked up his toothbrush and bolted out of the room.

* * *

Thanks for your comments on the last chapter :)

Maggs


	4. Chapter 4

**This Is So Not Me – Chapter 4**

**Written by Ms. Maggs**

"Greg!" Holding his cell phone in his left hand, Nick used his right fist to pound on the bathroom door a second time. "Open the damn door. Your mom is on the phone. She called my cell 'cause you're not answering yours. You forgot to check in."

"Doh!" Greg turned off the steamy water and threw open the shower door. "Tell her I'll be right there!" He grabbed a towel to wrap around his hips.

Nick pressed the hold button and updated Mrs. Sanders. "He's just finishing up in the bathroom. He'll be out in a sec."

When Greg opened the door, he said, "How do I know this isn't just a ploy to get me to talk to you?"

"Here he is, Joan, safe and sound just like I promised." After pushing the speaker button, Nick set his phone on the dresser and braced for the over-protective mother's rant.

_We have a deal, Gregory. As long as you're a CSI, you check in with me __**every morning**__. Text me, call me, email me, I don't care how, just check in! I gestated you for nine months, gave birth to you after sixteen hours of hard labor, financially supported you for 22 years, and still worry about you 24/7, so I don't think it's too much to ask that you remember to check in every day! This is the __**third time**__ you've forgotten this year!_

"Three times this year, but it's November!" Greg shouted in his defense. "That means I've remembered to call 99 percent of the time."

"Don't shout at your mother," Nick playfully scolded. "She's just worried."

_Listen to your boyfriend, Gregory. Southern gentlemen know how to respect their mothers. _

"That's right," Nick nodded and grinned. "In 39 years, I've never raised my voice to my mother." If he had, his father would have whipped his ass and grounded him for a month. "Even a grown boy needs to respect his mommy."

Greg glared at the supposedly respectful southern gentleman. "I've honestly forgotten to call my mother three times in three hundred days, but have told her the truth every time I've spoken to her. You lie to your mommy every time you talk to her."

_Are you two fighting about this __**again**__? _

"Yes!" they answered in perfect harmony before Greg followed up with, "He just picked out a girl to have dinner with his parents next week."

_Good for you, Nicky._

"Mom!" Greg yelled toward the phone. "You're supposed to be on my side, remember?"

_Good Lord, Gregory, give the poor man a break. His sister works for NOM. His parents donated $3,000 to fight Prop 8 and they don't even live in California. Hell, his mother actually believes Sarah Palin was derailed by the liberal media. How can you expect him to have a rational conversation about homosexuality with someone like that? No matter what he says to them, they're not going to have an epiphany. They'll just be horrified and distance themselves from Nick, which will only cause more stress…and the last thing either of you need is more stress in your lives. _

Nick nodded at the phone. "Thank you, Joan, that's exactly what I've been trying to tell him all morning."

_You're welcome, honey. My son doesn't know how good he has it. He grew up not wanting for anything and with the unconditional love of two parents and two grandparents. When he stomps his feet like a spoiled brat, just stand your ground and don't let him get his way. _

Nick stood a little taller.

"Great." Greg threw his hands in the air. "I get treated like a five-year old at work and at home."

_You reap what your behavior sows, sweetie. _

The vindicated boyfriend covered his mouth to hide his shit-eating grin.

Greg rolled his eyes. "Maybe the two of you should talk every day instead."

_What makes you think we don't? Maybe I even pay the cowboy to keep you around. _

"Only in the beginning, G." Nick broke into sweet laughter. "I eventually called her back and told her that I loved you so much I'd live with you for free."

Eager to get his mother off the phone, Greg snickered, "Did you happen to make that call the morning after I got naked and let you have your way with my…." Nick's palm blocked the last word for coming out.

_Look at the time! I'm meeting some friends for a spa day, so I need to get going. _

After removing Nick's hand from his mouth, Greg laughed, "I love you, Mommy."

_Love you too, sweetheart. Don't forget to call me tomorrow. _

"I won't."

Nick grabbed his cell. "Nice talkin' to you, Joan. Take care." After he snapped the phone shut, he shook his head. "I can't believe you said that to your mom."

Greg nudged his towel down an inch. "You of all people should know I'm a naughty boy."

Eyeing his partner's wet, tousled hair and slick skin, Nick answered with a mischievous grin.

"You totally want me."

"Yeah." Nick lurched forward and grabbed the corner of his lover's towel.

"Not gonna happen." Greg firmly held his towel in place. "My mom doesn't know you get physical with your faux-girlfriends, but I do, so I'm still jealous and pissed."

"**Used to** get physical with my faux-girlfriends." Nick countered as he backed Greg up against the wall. "I don't anymore." Pressing their foreheads together, he whispered, "Not since we got serious. I've not lied to you once about anything. You know that. I wasn't gonna lie about April, I was tryin' to tell you, but you kept gettin' pissed off."

"I'm listening now."

"I went to her office, but I was uncomfortable talkin' there, so we moved the conversation about Tommy to her place. I got upset thinkin' about my own drama and she hugged me. That's how her lipstick got on my jacket. She offered me a drink. I was tense, so I said yes. I sat on the couch and took off my jacket. I was exhausted from workin' 14 hours and after two drinks on an empty stomach, I nodded off. When I woke up, I realized I was runnin' late. I made a comment about hopin' I had extra clothes in my truck, that's why she wrote about that in the note. In my rush to get to work, I left my jacket."

"What about the tooth brush comment?" Greg asked in a vulnerable voice.

"When I was leaving, she leaned in to kiss me. I didn't want to kiss her, so I pulled away sayin' I had morning breath."

"Morning breath never stops you from kissing me."

"Exactly." Cupping his jealous partner's face, Nick lovingly said, "Because I love you and can't resist kissing you." To prove his point, he consumed his jealous boyfriend's mouth with a slow, shivery kiss. "You never had anything to worry about, and you never will."

His faith restored, Greg finally relaxed. "I guess my mommy's right, sometimes I'm still a self-centered brat who likes to stomp his feet and get what he wants." Slipping his hands under Nick's t-shirt, he confessed, "Mostly, I got pissed because I wanted you with me tonight, not her."

"But it's not your night off."

"Sara noticed I was tense and offered to take my shift." Greg released a sigh, "I was hoping for an all-nighter, but you had to go and make a date with a girl."

"I'll be home before midnight," Nick promised while trailing warm kisses over his partner's chilly flesh.

"Okay, Cinderfella." Greg laughed as his ticklish earlobe was assaulted by Nick's tongue.

"You're shivering."

"I better get under the covers."

Nick watched Greg, dive under the comforter and toss his bath towel. "Is that better?"

"Better, but not perfect." The hyper man patted their fluffy rustic-themed bedding. "Lose the shirt and Levi's, Tex." While enjoying the show, he joked, "Maybe I should have dinner with a girl tonight too."

Stripped down to his gray boxer briefs, Nick slid under the covers and propped up on his elbow, facing his mate. "Why would you want to do that?"

Once he was done invading his lover's mouth with his tongue, Greg answered, "To prop my reputation as a voracious ladies man."

Smirking, Nick asked, "Don't you have to _have_ a reputation as a ladies man before you have a need to prop it?"

"True." Greg slid his fingertips under the waistband of Nick's shorts. "But my cover as the geek who flirts with Sara is no longer a possibility."

"Hold up." Nick fought to hold back his laughter. "You've been _pretending _to be a geek all these years? You deserve an Oscar for…"

"Shut up." He released the smartass's waistband, snapping it against his skin. "Seriously, it's embarrassing enough to be the geek who lost Sara to **Grissom**, but who have I dated since then? No one. People must think I'm still humiliated from losing out to a pudgy gray-haired geek."

"You flirted with Riley."

"Yeah, and she quit and left town." Greg laughed, "People probably think I was the reason."

"I did hear a few people say that."

"Seriously?"

Grinning, Nick shook his head. "All we need to do is start a rumor that Riley left because you broke her heart. That'll carry you for a while. Next time I'm in the Print Lab, I'll mention it in front of Mandy. The news will hit the vine before I make it back to my office."

"If Henry wasn't after Mandy, I could flirt with her."

"Noooo." Nick frantically shook his head. "No way. Flirting with Sara was safe, because you knew she was pining after Grissom and wouldn't reciprocate, but Mandy…she's not as innocent as she seems."

"You never told me you…"

"No, I don't have first hand knowledge. She dated 'Rick and he shared all the dirty details one night when we were plastered. The woman's an animal in the sack and she likes bad boys, not geeks. Some days, even 'Rick couldn't keep up with her."

"Whoa."

"Yeah." Nick teased, "Maybe you should stick to something safer than fake dating."

"Like what?" Greg asked before diving under the sheets.

"Like goin' to Costco." Nick chuckled as his most ticklish spot was assaulted. "Seriously, we're almost out of TP, Muscle Milk, and Sugar-Free Red Bull."

Popping his head out of the sheets, Greg chortled, "You get to prop your rep as a ladies man while I get to maintain my image as warehouse-shopping geek with no love life?"

"I'll pay."

"Yes, you will." Laughing, Greg rolled Nick face-first into the sheets and lunged for his nightstand drawer for supplies. "Your ass is mine, Stokes."

"Seriously?" The pleasantly surprised boyfriend asked while glancing over his shoulder. "But it's not your birthday or a full moon."

"Yeah, I know, but for some crazy reason I'm in the mood to control at least one aspect of my life today." With a devious chuckle, Greg reached for his Ipod on the docking station. "I have just the song to ravage you by."

When Avril Lavigne's I Don't Like Your Girlfriend blasted from the speakers, Nick knew he was in for a crazy time. "Wait…what's our safe word again?"

"Gummy bears."

When he saw Greg with a black sharpie marker, Nick sobered. "What's that for?"

"To write 'Property of Greg' on one of your cheeks and 'No Girls Allowed' on the other." He pulled the cap off with his teeth. "With my brand on your butt, I know you won't drop your drawers tonight."

As he was getting his Sharpie tattoos, Nick playfully pleaded, "You can do anything you want, freak boy, as long as you stay away from my feet and don't tie me up."

* * *

"I'm free!" Mandy excitedly told her Westminster Terrier as she slid into bed next to him. "That's right, Oliver, I kicked that loser to the curb and I'm swearing off guys, so you won't have to worry about guests for awhile. It's just you and me." She kissed the snoozing dog's head. "I know I've said all this before, but this time I really mean it." Luckily the dog couldn't talk and remind her that she had said that before too..

"I'm going to catch up on bad reality shows until I fall asleep and when I wake up, I'm going to Costco to stock up on booze and baked goods. While I eat and drink myself into oblivion, you can chomp on a fresh bully stick." Mandy reached for the TV remote. "See, I don't need a man to have a good time."

* * *

"I have a hot date tonight," April whispered to her Barbara, her twice divorced forty year old co-worker. "I'm so excited."

"Stokes?"

"Yes!" Sitting on the edge of he stunned woman's desk, she said, "I know I said I wasn't ready to put myself out there yet, but after talking to Nick a few times, I changed my mind."

"Really? Stokes?" Barbara leaned in closer. "Haven't you heard…he has a reputation as a love 'em and leave 'em ladies man."

"Only because he hasn't found the right woman." April winked. "Until now."

"I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"Barbara, you know how well I read people. My take on Nick is that he's going to be 40 next year and he's finally looking to settle down." A smirk unfurling over her lips, April proudly remarked, "I just happened to be in the right place at the right time, and we both know that when it comes to men, timing is everything."

* * *

"Not yet," Greg panted in his lover's face. "Wait." He didn't want the delicious torture to end.

After teetering on the brink for the last few minutes, Nick squeaked, "Can't."

When he heard a familiar chorus of grunts and groans, Greg knew it was too late. "I wonder what your girlfriend would say if she heard you yelling my name along with those naughty words."

* * *

"Nick is true gentleman," April assured her concerned Victim Services co-worker as they strolled to the breakroom. "I don't have to worry about being alone with him in my apartment. He was even shy about kissing me with morning breath."

"It sounds too good to be true," Barbara remarked, feeling more than a little jealous. "Just promise me you'll let me pick out the bridesmaid dresses."

April chuckled, "Definitely."

"What are you making for dinner?"

"Thai pasta with veggies."

"Really?" Barbara shook her head. "I don't know. That seems a little frou-frou for a Texan like Stokes. He strikes me as a meat and potatoes guy who enjoys seeing his woman cooking barefoot in the kitchen."

* * *

Clad only in the Kiss the Cook apron his mother had bought him for Christmas, Greg strolled to the kitchen counter with two perfect plates of Huevos Rancheros. "Come and get it, Tex!" he yelled in the direction of the bedroom.

His hair still damp from the shower, Nick hustled into the room wearing his favorite navy blue pajama bottoms. "It smells awesome in here. Wait, did you make…"

"Huevos!" Greg proudly blurted. "Yep, with fresh salsa and a double serving of refried beans." He laughed, "Because I want you good and gassy for girlfriend."

* * *

Thanks for reading!

Sorry this one is a little shorter, but I have guests coming for Thanksgiving and it's been a little hectic : )

I'm hoping to have another chapter out this week.

Maggs


	5. Chapter 5

**This Is So Not Me – Chapter 5**

**Written by Ms. Maggs**

When the obnoxious beep of his alarm clock jolted him out of a sound sleep, Nick slammed the snooze button and immediately returned to spooning Greg. "It can't be six already," he grumbled, tightening his embrace. It seemed like only minutes ago that he was basking in the afterglow of phenomenal love-making and enjoying his favorite breakfast. "Ten more…"

"Shhhhhh." Not ready to face the world after only five hours of slumber, Greg clamped his eyes shut. "Your date starts at seven, but I'm not hooking up with Costco until eight so I can sleep in."

"I was kinda hopin' you'd join me in the shower." Nick placed a single smooch on his partner's bare shoulder. "C'mon." He dispensed a second kiss. "I promise to make it worth your while."

"No thanks, I'm good." Greg pulled the comforter over his face. "Oh!" Overcome by gaseous fumes, he quickly tossed off the blanket.

"Dutch oven!" Grinning proudly, Nick rolled onto his back. "That's what you get for feedin' me spicy refried beans."

"Your digestive tract is ahead of schedule, you weren't supposed to start exploding until you were on the couch with your date." Greg stared at his laughing lover through sleepy eyes. "If she knew you were a penny-pincher with raging OCD whose farts smell worse than a rotting corpse, she wouldn't have said yes."

"How _do_ you put up with me?" Nick asked while tackling his partner.

"I'm used to smelling rotting corpses, I have my own cash, and I support your obsessive nature because it means you won't let me mow the lawn." The grass had to be cut in perfect diagonal rows. "Or load the dishwasher." Every dish, cup, and spoon had an assigned spot. "If it wasn't for your OCD, I'd have a hell of a lot more jobs around here."

"Hey," Nick winked, "I know a job you're _really_ good at."

Feeling his bedmate's excitement growing, Greg snickered, "I do have this urge…"

"You should act on that urge."

"Yeah." Greg rolled their bodies until he was on top. "Mmm, I really can't think of anything I'd rather do more." After a frantic kiss, he rasped in his eager lover's ear, "The urge is so strong, it hurts."

Ripe with anticipation, Nick weaved his fingers through Greg's tousled hair. "Go for it, baby."

"If you insist!" Cracking up, Greg jumped out of bed.

"Where are you…"

"Bathroom!"

Nick crashed against the cushions. "Why?" He silently guessed it was for some fruity gel, edible glitter, or whatever the goofball found on special at Erotica Boutique this week.

"Gotta pee!" When he got to the bathroom doorway, Greg stopped and turned. "What uncontrollable urge did you think I was talking about?" The only answer he received was a pillow in the face. "It's not that I don't want to touch you, but if we're going to prove our unconditional fidelity, we need to be pent up when we're on our dates." Unable to wait a second longer, he hurried into the bathroom.

"You sportin' wood at Costco is a little different than me being with a horny woman!" The son of lawyers pleaded his case, "She could falsely attribute the rise in my Levis to her moves and think I'm interested."

"So could the cashier at Costco," Greg retorted when he strolled out the bathroom.

Before Nick could reply, his cell phone rang. "It's my mom," he announced. "I'll put her on speaker. Two minutes listening to her and you'll remember why I'm on the down low from my family." Before pressing the button, he said, "Hey, when I point to you, make some girly noise."

"So she thinks you have a girl in your bed?"

"Yeah."

"Isn't that a sin too?" Greg asked while returning to his comfy spot under the covers.

Nick pushed the send button and lovingly greeted his mother. "Hi, Mama. This is a nice surprise. You're callin' a day early." She called every Sunday and Wednesday before shift. "Is everything alright?"

"We're all alive and healthy, but things are definitely not alright."

Greg selfishly hoped she was going to say their visit would have to be canceled.

"What's goin' on, Mama?" the concerned son asked while placing the phone on the pillow between him and Greg.

"I just got finished havin' dinner at your brother's house and all hell is breakin' loose over there. Kayla, was missing from the table and when I inquired as to where my granddaughter was, my daughter-in-law lied to me and told me she was at choir practice, but little Karson, God bless his eight year old soul, blurted the truth and said that his sister had gone to see that demonic vampire movie."

Greg covered his mouth and feigned horror.

"Nicky, I couldn't believe your brother would let his precious little girl see such an evil film, but when I looked at Bill Junior's face it was clear that he was as stunned as me!"

"Wow." Nick pretended to be shocked by the thought of a teenager lying about seeing a movie they weren't supposed to see. "That's not right for a fourteen year old to lie to her parents."

"**Parent**," Jillian Stokes snapped. "Turns out your sister-in-law went against your brother's wishes and gave Kayla permission to go to the theater with her heathen friends. So not only did she corrupt the child by letting her see that vile filth, she taught her it was okay for a wife to deceive her husband and for a daughter to disobey her father! Then Karen had the audacity to defend her actions and say it was just a silly fantasy movie. See, that's just what Hollywood wants us to believe as they further corrupt our children with stories of blood-sucking demons, shirtless werewolves…as if their movies glorifying teenage sex and homosexuality weren't already ruining an entire generation."

Nick smiled at Greg, sincerely hoping his mother's hysterics were proving his point.

"It was truly awful, Nicky. After Karen openly defended her decision to disobey him, Bill Junior felt humiliated in front of your father, which of course caused his temper to flare. Karson started cryin' for gettin' his sister in trouble and causin' his parents to fight and at some point, the roast ended up in the trash, but I think it goes without sayin' that we had all lost our appetite by that point so it didn't really matter."

Hearing how tense his mother was, Nick saw a glimmer of hope, "Mama, if you think you need to postpone your trip out here…"

"Goodness no."

The guys exchanged disappointed looks.

"Nicky, I need the escape more than ever. Your sister Kimmie hinted that you might have a new young lady to introduce me to. Is that right, honey?"

"Yeah," he answered out of desperation. "But don't get all carried away, because we just started seein' each other and I don't know if she's…"

"You are eight months away from your 40th birthday, Nicolas, you can't afford to waste time datin' someone who isn't _the one_." The loving mother's voice softened, "I really hate to be a nag, sweetheart, but Lord knows, someone has to help you. Your sisters have done a terrible job coachin' you and your brother thinks the trauma in the coffin made you incapable of trustin' anyone. He's given up on you, but I haven't. You deserve happiness, Nicky. You'll find someone who can understand the drama you've been through and how your job impacts you. There's someone special out there for you, I know it in my heart."

Sliding his hand over partner's, Nick smiled. "I know it too."

In that moment, as Greg watched Nick's eyes well and listened to the agony in his voice, all was forgiven.

"Nicky, while it's true that there was a time when I would have been picky about the girl's family, schooling, and church, I've let go of all that. So if you've been hesitating for fear that I'll disapprove, please don't worry."

"Really." Kissing the back of his lover's hand, Nick quietly asked, "So you wouldn't get upset if I introduced you to someone a little…different?"

"Honey, with your 40th approachin', the only thing I care about is that she's a disease-free Christian girl without a criminal record or children and that she treats you right."

If Nick replaced the word 'girl' with 'boy', he could have fulfilled his mother's wish on the spot. "Thanks for clearin' that up, Mama."

Jillian laughed, "And as far as your father is concerned, he's so worried that people are gonna start thinkin' you're gay, God forbid, he wouldn't even care if you married a Democrat."

Nick forced himself to laugh along with his mother. "I hope to hell people don't think I'm queer just because I'm still single."

"Of course not, honey, that was just me makin' a bad joke."

Tired of watching his boyfriend suffer, Greg made a girly gasp in the background.

"Nicholas, are you wakin' up with a girl?!"

"Uh…" He feigned embarrassment. "I'll um, take the fifth on that, Mama."

"Okay, honey. You go do what you need to do." Jillian's voice was thick with approval. "I'll make sure to pass on the latest to you father," she laughed. "Love you."

"Love you too, Mama. Bye."

As soon as Nick disconnected the call, he was comforted with a tender kiss. "I love you, G."

"Come on." Accepting reality, Greg slid out of bed and headed for the closet. "Time to pick out what you're gonna wear on your date"

* * *

Standing in front of the full-length mirror on her bedroom closet door, April debated wearing her usual black lace or trying out the new animal print bra and panties Barbara had coerced her into buying during their lunchtime trip to Victoria's Secret. "This really isn't me," she lamented while holding up the leopard bra trimmed with hot pink ribbon. "And Nick seems like such a traditional guy."

* * *

"How do I look?" Nick queried after zipping his jeans and pulling on the cable knit khaki sweater his sister had given him for Christmas two years ago.

"Like the boring and normal hetero suburban jock you're pretending to be."

"Hey! Who's pretending to be a jock?" Nick jokingly scolded as he joined his partner at the double sink in their master bathroom. "And we do live in the 'burbs."

After watching Nick search the counter, Greg asked, "What are you looking for?"

"My toothbrush."

"I threw it at you."

"Right. It's in my jacket."

"Right where the lady-hoping-to-get-lucky wants it to be." Greg chuckled. "You can use mine."

"Eww," Nick cringed, "It has your germs on it."

"I love how you have no problem with my body parts in your mouth, but my toothbrush in your mouth is a nasty idea." Greg held up a scrawled note. "Anything you want to add to the list before I head out?"

"Pack of toothbrushes," Nick answered while taking out the last new one from the drawer. "And some of those protein bars I like, but not…"

"Peanut butter flavor." Greg nodded as he wrote.

"Did you take your pill?" After watching his ADHD challenged friend continually struggle to pass his field exams, Nick took on the job of reminding him to take his medication.

"I have two nights off, remember? I want to get some creative writing done, so I'm taking a med-break."

"If that's what you want to do." Nick returned the pill bottle to the medicine cabinet. "Maybe you should give me your credit card so you don't do any impulsive online shopping like last time."

"I love my animal print Snuggie!" Greg laughed, "I think my mom and my nana are going to love the ones I got them for Christmas."

"I'm not talkin' about the twenty dollar Snuggies." Nick reminded him, "I'm talkin' about the Ebay shopping frenzy that resulted in thousands of dollars in Vegas memorabilia."

"Oh that. Yeah, that was bad." Greg tucked the shopping list in his pocket and handed over his Visa card. "This is why my mommy loves you. You're more successful at keeping me medicated and under control than she ever was. I'll just keep my Costco card and stick to our list."

"I'll believe it when I don't see a new appliance or an obscure video collection." Nick swished a gulp of mouthwash and spit. "Okay, I'm ready to pretend I like peanut butter and boobs!"

"If you want to have fun with a boy after you're done playing house with the girl, come to the apartment. I'll write until you get there." Greg taste-tested his boyfriend's mouth. "Mmm, minty fresh." Cupping his lover's cheeks, he declared, "You can kiss her to keep her interested long enough to meet your parents, but that's the line in the sand."

"Understood."

When Nick embraced him like he was going off to war, Greg quipped, "Okay, okay, it's a Pad Thai with a chick, not D-Day. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a hot date with a warehouse store."

* * *

On her way to Costco, Mandy turned up the radio and tried to forget her problems. Unfortunately Beyonce's Single Ladies blared through her speakers and ruined her happy vibe. "Thanks for the reminder, you skinny bitch!" But after a minute, she decided to join in and sing the anthem of her jilted sisters. "Cause if you liked it, you shoulda put a ring on it. If you liked it you shoulda put a ring on it."

While bopping to the catchy tune, she thought of Wendy and how perfectly content she was having a painstakingly slow affair with the lab's top geek. "Don't treat me to the things of the world, I'm not that kind of girl, your love is what I deserve." Maybe Beyonce and Wendy had a good point. Who needed a man with a hot car, killer abs, and a full bank account? What really matters is finding a nice guy who treats you right.

Pulling into the parking lot, Mandy cut loose and sang at the top of her lungs. "All the single ladies, all the singles ladies!" It wasn't until the song was over that she realized a man was staring into her passenger window and laughing. "OH!" Then she realized it wasn't a man, it was just Greg, the consummate goofball, and she had nothing to be embarrassed about. Laughing, she rolled down her window. "I can't believe you busted me singing Single Ladies in my car."

"Hey, the idea of single ladies on the prowl gets me going too." He wasn't kidding, all he had thought about while shopping was April and the smooth moves she was probably putting on Nick.

Stepping out of her car, Mandy chuckled, "And now you know I'm spending my night off like a loser - shopping at Costco." When she realized Greg had a cart full of stuff and was doing the same thing, she scrambled to remove her foot from her mouth. "Not that I'm saying you're a loser for shopping at Costco on your night off. I'm sure you have really cool plans after you go home with this stuff." She perused his purchases and felt even sorrier for him – Muscle Milk mix, Red Bull, protein bars, a slushie machine, and a Sherlock Holmes video collection. Clearly he was going to try to bulk up while numbing his loneliness with booze-filled icees and a movie marathon. The only thing that seemed out of place were the case of baby wipes and a box of beef jerky.

"The wipes are for my neighbor," Greg impulsively explained, fearing his co-worker would deduce they were for quick bedroom cleanups between messy gay lovers. "Yeah, my neighbor, she's got three little kids and her husband is stationed in Iraq, so I pick stuff up for her sometimes."

"That's so sweet." He really was a wonderfully kind-hearted geek.

"It's the least I can do since her husband is risking his life for sake of our country, right?"

Mandy's smile expanded. "And so patriotic. My dad was in the Air Force. He'd totally approve." Greg was definitely the kind of guy she could bring to her sister's house for Thanksgiving. "So, um…what are you doing after you bring this stuff home and drop off the wipes?"

"I'm working on a second book." He quickly pleaded, "But don't tell anyone."

"You mean don't tell Hodges."

Greg nodded "Exactly. He's still mocking me for my first non-bestseller."

"It was a great book!" Mandy lied. "I need to order another copy to give to my Uncle Mario for Christmas."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better." Greg laughed, "I bet you don't even have an Uncle Mario."

"Feeling sorry for her friend who was obviously still nursing his wounds from losing Sara to Grissom and then driving Riley out of town, she made a suggestion. "How about we go grab a few drinks before you start writing?"

"I'm fine, really, you don't have to"

"No, I really want to go out, because if I go shopping at Costco on my night off I'll just end up more depressed than I already am, and don't writers like to get their creative juices flowing with a little booze?"

"Uh…"

"Come on." She gave the reluctant recluse a playful shove. "You need to get a life, Sanders. Just put your stuff in your truck and I'll follow you to your place. We'll get a cab from there. It'll be fun!"

Checking his watch, Greg figured it would be a better way to pass the next three hours than sitting at home waiting for Nick to show up smelling like girl. "Well…okay."

"Great!" She helped him toss his purchases in the back of his truck. "There's this club I found a few months ago, locals only, you'll love it, and the first three rounds are on me."

* * *

"Refill?" April dreamily smiled at the handsome man standing in her kitchen.

Still reeling from the last dose of crappy Merlot he had forced himself to swallow, Nick held up his glass. "Thanks."

On her way to retrieve the bottle, April stealthily opened the next button on her tight red sweater. "Dinner will be ready in two minutes."

"It smells terrific." Truthfully, the peanut butter fumes were making him nauseous. "You really seem to know your way around the kitchen."

"Yes, I do." The husband-hunter grinned as she filled their glasses. "Is your mother a good cook?"

"Fantastic." Nick smiled, "She can't wait to get out here next week and make me dinner. She'll also spend an afternoon cookin' and fill my freezer with meals. She loves doin' it and I think it's sweet that she still wants to spoil me." He chuckled, "Truth be told, she'd rather be spoilin' her grandkids, but since I don't have any kids, she babies me instead."

"Do you want kids?" April broke into nervous laughter. "I hope that question doesn't make you think I'm one of those desperate thirty-somethings with a rapidly ticking biological clock."

"No, not at all." Nick flashed his most charming smile. "I'm the one who brought up the subject, so you probably think I'm one of those 39 year old guys from a traditional family who is under enormous pressure from his large, conservative family to settle down and start producin' grandkids." He laughed into his wine glass, "Now that I think about it, I am one of those guys."

Feeling giddy from the wine she drank before and after her date arrived, April giggled, "Would your family approve of you dating a headstrong Victims Services Specialist from a small family, who enjoys cooking and wants to have a couple of kids one day when the time is right?"

"Hell, yeah. You're exactly their type." Nick honestly answered in a bittersweet voice.

"Good to know," April whispered before grazing her moist lips over her date's. "Hungry?"

Nick tried to answer, but an invasive kiss snatched the words right out of his mouth.

* * *

To be continued in Chapter 6.

Sorry this one was so delayed, but with the holiday and one of the kids being sick, I had no time to write.

Thanks for reading and for leaving reviews of the last chapter!

Maggs


	6. Chapter 6

**This Is So Not Me – Chapter 6**

**Written by Ms. Maggs**

When Joan Sanders heard the comforting rattle of keys at the front door, she lowered her hardcover copy of Andre Agassi's biography, Open, and relaxed into the cushy couch pillows. "Finally." Beaming a smile at her husband of thirty-six years, she sweetly said, "Long day, huh."

"Yeah." After tossing his keys on the entry table, John Sanders hung up his coat and walked to the couch to greet his wife with a kiss. "Jake Watson took a football helmet to the mouth and his mother called the office in a panic."

"I thought they wear mouth guards and helmets to prevent that sort of thing."

The weary dentist plopped onto the couch next to his wife. "On the field, yeah." Kicking off his shoes, John explained, "Apparently Lincoln High's star quarterback likes to play on and off the field. He was caught pants-down under the bleachers with his teammate's girlfriend."

Joan rolled her eyes. "Thank goodness Gregory was never interested in sports."

"He was interested," John reminded his over-protective wife, "but you were so worried he'd get hurt, the only thing you let him play competitively was chess. You even made a stink when he started bowling."

"That alley was full of second-hand smoke."

John retorted, "Which is why he should have been playing ball outside in the fresh air."

Holding up the Agassi book, the loving mother said, "Read this biography and you'll be thrilled we didn't push our son to excel in competitive sports."

"I'm just busting your chops, honey." Taking her in his arms, he pulled her close. "You were a great mom. Still are."

"Yeah and guess who forgot to call me **again**."

"Wow. That's the third time this year," John teased. "Hey, did you ask him about Christmas?"

She shook her head. "He was bickering with Nick when I called."

"About what?"

"Nick's parents are coming to town and you know how moody that makes Greg."

"Gee, I can't imagine why my son would get pissy over getting kicked out of his home twice a year." John rolled his eyes. "Then again, he should be used to being ignored by his supposed soulmate, it happens every time they're in public together."

"Nick's ashamed of his parents, not Greg."

"No, he's ashamed of himself, which doesn't make for a healthy relationship."

"Okay, fine, but Nick is good for Greg in every other way."

"Why is it so wrong that I want my son to be with a man who is good for him in _every_ way?"

"Oh, please." Joan laughed as she rose to her feet. "As if there's such a thing as 'the perfect man'."

"You love Nick because he keeps Greg on a short leash, just like you did."

The doting mother admitted, "Yes, I sleep much better knowing Nick is taking care of my boy. He's a responsible guy and I know he loves our son with all his heart and as openly as he can right now. I actually like that Nick's on the down low, because that means Greg has to be."

"So your peace of mind still comes before Greg's happiness."

"He **is **happy, except for twice a year, and that's a small price to pay for being loved and safe." Her emotions building, Joan shrilled, "Gregory is the only child I have and he's already been beaten to a pulp for being too white, I don't need him to be bashed for being too gay. It's not selfish to want your child to live."

Recalling how traumatized his wife was by the beating, John relented. "You're right, honey." Standing, he took her hand and tried to relieve the tension with humor. "It's a father of a gay son thing. No man is ever going to be good enough for my little boy."

* * *

April couldn't believe that Nick, a guy with a serious rep as a ladies man, could be such a terrible kisser. "I…um…I better check on dinner." Still in shock, she backed away from her equally uncomfortable date. "Would you put on some music while I get everything ready?"

"Yeah." Relieved that the awkward lip lock had ended as abruptly as it had begun, Nick anxiously cleared his throat. "Good idea. Where…"

"The remote to the TV is on the coffee table. There's like a hundred music channels to choose from." Once her date was out of the kitchen, April wondered if she was trying to hard and ruining the vibe she thought they had the previous night. "Oh no." Suddenly remembering she had tasted her noodle dish right before the kiss, she tested her breath by blowing into her palm. "Garlic breath," she muttered, cursing herself for such a stupid dating blunder.

* * *

After locking her car, Mandy walked over to join Greg at his truck. "I'll help you carry your stuff inside."

Concerned that a peek inside his rarely inhabited studio apartment would raise suspicion, Greg shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'll bring it in later."

"Aren't you worried someone will break into your truck if they see your stuff?"

"Nah, I've never had that kind of problem here."

"Okay." Mandy shrugged. "I still need to run inside and powder my nose before we go out."

"Your nose looks great." Greg anxiously chuckled as he grabbed Mandy's hand. "C'mon! You got me all psyched to go out. Let's just walk to the corner, grab a cab, and go."

Not budging, Mandy laughed, "Take a hint, Sanders. I downed a Big Gulp on the way to Costco and I need to use the restroom." He really was sweetly clueless about women.

"Oh. Sorry." Glancing nervously at his apartment door, Greg stammered, "Yeah, okay. Sure. You can use my bathroom."

"I haven't been here in a while, but I've seen your place before." Figuring the bachelor was worried about a mess, she smiled and gave him a reassuring pat. "I'm your friend, not your mommy. I don't care if you left without making your bed."

Pretending she had figured out the problem, Greg released a feigned sigh of relief. "Thanks." Hurrying toward the door, he said, "Just let me make sure the toilet seat is down and…"

"Your porn is away?"

"Exactly." He laughed along with her as they walked inside his cozy studio apartment. "Just wait here and I'll let you know when the coast is clear." He flicked on the lights and hoped there wasn't any incriminating evidence of his relationship with Nick. "Uh…there's beer in the fridge if you want one."

"Sounds good." She tossed her purse on the kitchen counter.

"Would you open one for me too?"

"You bet." Watching her coworker dash to the bathroom, Mandy burst into a smile. Even after a few years as a street-wary CSI, he was still an adorably awkward geek at times. "I don't know what you were worried about." She opened the fridge and was surprised to see it was scrubbed squeaky clean. "This place is actually a lot neater than I remember. Was your mother in for a visit recently?"

"Yeah," he lied while frantically checking the medicine cabinet for anything odd. The truth was that Nick was as much of a clean freak as his mother so he had no choice but to keep their second hideaway tidy. "All set," he announced while strolling out of the bathroom. "I even folded the ends of the TP just like the Ritz."

"Aren't you sweet." Her last boyfriend didn't even bother to put the seat down. Setting her beer bottle on the counter, Mandy grabbed her purse. "You don't happen to have any hair spray left from your crazy hair days do you? I didn't bring anything with me since I was just going to Costco and I'm feeling a little too mousy for a bar."

"Sorry, I don't." He chuckled, "But I have some hair gel in the top drawer."

"That'll work."

Grabbing his beer, Greg took a seat at the kitchen counter and checked his cell phone. No messages. "I guess it's going well. Great." Shaking his head, he lifted the bottle to his lips and tried to remind himself why he kept putting up with this crap.

* * *

While fighting the urge to end his faux date, Nick mindlessly flipped through the music channels. _I'm 39 and I'm still doing this shit. This is ridiculous._ He glanced over his shoulder. April was busying herself in the kitchen, no doubt trying to erase the horrible memory of their lackluster first kiss. _I can't even phone it in anymore. _He didn't want to be there and it was getting increasingly difficult to convince himself that he had to be there. _What's the worst that can happen if I tell my parents the truth?_ Familiar visions of parental strokes and siblings clutching their sons while shouting 'stay away' immediately filled his head.

"Sorry, I need five minutes," April sweetly announced from the kitchen. "Help yourself to more wine."

Even though he hated Merlot, Nick filled his glass to the brim and gulped. April was working hard to make things special. The malicious irony of deceiving a nice woman who worked in Victim Services made him feel even worse. She deserved better than to be used as a pawn. She deserved someone special, someone whose first kiss would shake her to the core and leave her begging for more…she deserved what he already had and was taking for granted tonight.

Staring into his wine glass, his mind drifted to the best first kiss of his life…

_Leaning into the window of the cab he and Greg had shared with Sara, Nick said, "I'm a safety guy and a retired frat boy. I promise I won't let him pass out in a pool of vomit. I don't even think he's that drunk, he's just happy." _

_Sara yelled out the window, "CSI Sanders! Call me if you need a ride to your car tomorrow!" _

"_Wait. Where is my car?" Greg asked as he glanced around. "Where am I?" _

"_Your apartment complex, Sherlock," Sara informed her giddy coworker._

"_Sherlock!" Greg burst out laughing at the reference to the case he hadn't correctly solved. "Good one." _

"_Sure he's not that drunk. You better throw him in a cold shower," she suggested while waving goodbye. "We don't need Ecklie seeing him hungover on his first CSI shift." _

"_Good point." Nick waved as the cab pulled away. "Say goodbye to Sara, party boy." _

"_Bye, Sara!" Greg excitedly waved. "See you at work, my fellow CSI!" He turned to Nick. "CSI Sanders. I can't stop saying it. Let's have a drink to celebrate." _

"_You've already had half a dozen beers," Nick reminded him as they weaved up the sidewalk. _

"_But no shots." _

"_Shots on a school night?" _

"_Uh oh, sounds like someone's getting too old to party." _

"_As if." Nick laughed at the comment. "I can and will always be able to drink you under the table, geek boy." _

"_Sounds like a dare. You're on." _

_Shaking his head, Nick held out his palm. "Gimme your keys." _

_Feeling no inhibition, Greg leaned against the door and flirtatiously replied, "Come and get 'em, cowboy." _

"_You'd like that, wouldn't ya?" _

"_I've been telling you for months that I would, but you keep ignoring me." _

"_Sometimes I really regret that painfully honest conversation we had when you were havin' that mental breakdown over failing your proficiency and not having a love life." _

"_Seriously? That was like one of the best nights of my life." _

_Seeing his friend's happiness fade, Nick shook his head. "No, I don't really regret it." Feeling bad about what he said, he smiled and slipped his hand in the front pocket of Greg's jeans. _

"_And this night keeps getting better!" Greg giggled. "Uh, a little to the left." _

"_You wish." _

"_Yes! That's what I keep telling you." _

_Grinning, Nick held up the keys. _

"_I don't know about you, but I need a cigarette." Greg strolled by his heavily closeted coworker. "I can't help it. I'm so happy I finally passed. I really did it! I'm out of the lab. I'm a CSI! And the best part is, my mommy doesn't know." Tossing his jacket, he raced to the kitchen. "Shots are on me!" _

"_Rack 'em up, lightweight." Nick threw the keys on the counter. "Tequila? Not a good idea." _

"_Why? What happens when you do tequila shots, amigo?" _

"_I get a little loco." _

"_Good to know." Snickering, the host handed over a glass. "I poured you a double." _

_After downing the contents like it was grape juice, Nick grinned. "Your turn." Watching his buddy wince at the taste, he laughed, "When was the last time you did shots, hot shot?" _

_As his windpipe burned, Greg tried to act cool. _

"_Round two." Nick reached for the bottle and poured two three-finger shots. "Feel free to quit at any time." _

"_For the record, my safety word is Gummy Bears." _

"_Your safety __**word **__is two words?" When he saw his 'all talk and no action' pal thinking about it, he asked, "When was the last time you actually used your safety word__**s**__?" _

"_Never." Greg raised his glass. "Because kink is my middle name and there's nothin' I can't handle." He immediately burst out laughing. "I'm not even believing my own bullshit tonight." After choking down the liquor, he grabbed onto the counter and rasped, "Gummy Bears." _

"_Wise choice." Out of practice and well on his way to wasted, Nick was secretly thankful they would be stopping. "Hopefully the tequila will help you forget some of the stuff you're sayin'." _

"_In that case, I'll keep talking." _

"_I think that's my cue to call a cab." Nick slowly reached for his phone. _

"_Afraid you won't be able to control yourself, huh?" Feeling invincible after realizing his CSI dream, Greg continued the tease. "Yeah, you're probably right. I mean, you couldn't even keep your hands off me in Grissom's office in front of everyone, so who knows what you'll do behind closed doors with half dozen beers and a fifth of tequila coursing through your veins." _

"_What do you mean I couldn't keep my hands off you in Grissom's office?" _

"_I mean…" Greg inched closer. "The buddy hug, the tap of approval, the multiple pats on the back and the most incriminating evidence…you kept your hand on me the whole time Sara was hugging me." _

"_What?" Nick rolled his eyes. "I did not." _

"_Oh, yes you did." _

"_I was just happy for you." _

"_Okay, fine, we'll chalk today up to happiness, but you touch me all the time. A chest pat in the DNA lab disguised as a thank you. A supportive shoulder squeeze when we're out in the field that probably appears to others like a mentor encouraging his protégé, but we both know what it really is - you not being able to keep your hands off me, especially when I'm getting attention from Sara." Greg's lips spread into a naughty smile. "For the record, I don't have a problem with your territoriality issue. It's a turn on." _

_Still trying to recall the scene in Grissom's office, Nick whimsically asked, "Did I really keep my hand on you when Sara…" _

"_Uh huh, but don't worry, no one suspects anything. They're all blinded by the good 'ol boy illusion and think it's a protective buddy thing." Setting his empty drinking glass on the counter, Greg stepped closer and tapped into his newfound confidence. "When everyone's watching, you only put your hands in the politically correct places, but no one's watching now so why not put them where they really want to go?"_

_Feeling a familiar and undeniable heat building between them, Nick shook his head. "You already know I think this is a bad idea." He wasn't looking for a committed relationship and if they hooked up, he knew it would be a disaster. Greg talked big, but deep down he was a needy Mama's boy who would want to be more than a casual lay. _

"_Yeah, but Grissom made me a CSI even though I got the wrong guy and wrong cause of death, so I figure it's my lucky night." _

_Mesmerized by Greg's adorable smile, Nick felt his resolve weakening. _

"_Come on, Stokes, let your guard down for one night and have a little fun." _

"_I've tried that, it never really works out for me." His fateful night with Kristy came to mind. _

"_Neither did my proficiency exams, but you're the one who told me to keep trying, that I'd eventually get things right." Realizing he was on the brink of begging, the pent-up and lonely man abruptly backed off. "Kidding! I'm just yanking your chain because I'm drunk and happy." He pulled his cell phone from his pocket. "Cab's on me." _

_Not ready to leave yet, Nick reached for the cell phone and put it on the counter. "It sucks to be buzzed and alone, especially when you have somethin' to celebrate. Sorry, I wasn't bein' a very good friend." Placing his hand on Greg's shoulder, he said, "Take another shot." _

"_Okay." Greg reached for the tequila. "I'll definitely be puking later, so why not?" _

"_I wasn't talkin' about another shot of tequila." Grinning like a lovestruck fool, Nick stood there adoring the confused look on his buddy's face. "One more shot __**with me**__." _

"_Oh!" _

"_I was just about to go for it when you balked." _

"_Seriously?" Greg's goofy laughter filled the room. _

_Reaching for the tequila bottle, Nick grinned. "Yeah, so pull yourself together and try again." While taking a swig from the bottle, he enjoyed watching his dorky pal take deep breaths and attempt to get his mojo back. _

_In his suavest voice, Greg asked, "Where were we?" _

"_I had just finished sayin' that I think us hookin' up is a bad idea and you were gonna convince me my thinking was wrong." _

"_Right." Using his tequila-courage, Greg took the bottle from Nick's hand and drunkenly rambled, "Tex, you know what your problem is? I'll tell you what it is, you need to stop thinking and just do what I think you should do which is what we both know you're thinking about doing all the time, that's what I think you should think right now. Yeah. So what do you say?" _

"_I don't know." Nick snorted and choked on the laughter building inside him. "'Cause I have no idea what you said." _

"_Me either." _

_Nick dropped his hand onto Greg's shoulder as they cracked up together. _

"_There you go touching me again." _

"_Busted!" Sobering for a second, Nick asked, "Hey, how come you never touch me back?" _

"_Because if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop at a buddy-esque shoulder pat." He demonstrated by putting his right hand on Nick's shoulder. "See it would start out that way, but then my other hand would get jealous, so then I'd do this." He placed his left hand on the other shoulder. "And in no time, I'd be sliding my palms over your chest like this right in the middle of the DNA Lab."_

_The feel of his buddy's warm hands gliding down his chest sent a quiver of delight through Nick's body. _

"_And once I copped a feel of what was hiding under your shirt I wouldn't be content to stop there. Nope." With confidence to spare, Greg continued. "I'd be compelled to yank your shirt out of these incredibly tight jeans that I'm pretty sure you wear just to drive me insane. Now that I think about it, I'm reasonably certain I kept failing my field tests because I was distracted by your ass." Grinning wildly, he popped the first button of the black shirt. "I wouldn't be able to stop at one button, so I'd plow through the rest, never even noticing that Hodges was across the hall watching my every move." _

_Nick cringed. "Dude, you just killed a perfectly good fantasy by including Hodges." _

"_Doh!" Breaking into a drunken giggle, Greg backed off. _

"_There you go balking again when you're on a roll." Nick grabbed his pal's hands and guided them back to his chest. "What happens next?" he asked in a seductive whisper while firmly gripping the hips in front of him. _

"_You umm, you let your hands go to all the places they've been dying to explore." _

_While brushing his lips over the gasping man's ear lobe, Nick whispered, "Like this?" He slid his palms over the pockets of Greg's jeans. _

"_Wait." _

"_Uh oh." Nick braced for a really uncomfortable virginity confession. _

"_Is this a pity thing?"_

_It wasn't what he was expecting to hear. "A what?"_

"_A pity thing, because I said I didn't want to be alone on the greatest night of my life." Greg stuffed his hands on his hips. "As horny as I am, I don't need to be a pity f…" _

"_Does it __**look**__ like I'm faking enthusiasm?!" Frustrated, Nick pointed to his crotch. "I've been thinkin' about this for months and we're this close and you want to stop and talk. Hell, if I wanted to talk, I'd date women. Just freakin' let it happen already." _

_Greg was too stunned to move. _

"_Okay, fine. All I know is that when you were gonna call a cab, I didn't want to go. So, no, it's definitely not a pity thing. Far from it." Grabbing the tequila, Nick muttered, "That's the most serious declaration I've ever made to any guy. Ever. Shit." He took a gulp and held out the bottle to share. _

_His smile returning, Greg shook his head and placed the bottle on the counter. "Where were we?" _

"_You were frustratin' the hell out of me!" Nick laughed. "But before that I believe you were about to take off my shirt." _

"_Right." Stepping behind his soon-to-be lover, Greg wrapped his fingertips around the collar of the button-down and slowly peeled it off. _

_The sensation of hot lips grazing across his shoulders reignited Nick's body and before his shirt hit the floor he was ready to pounce. "Sanders, you and the tequila have me all kinds of crazy." _

"_Good." _

_Turning around, he slipped his hands under the soft cotton of Greg's blue t-shirt and swiftly removed it. The feel of their bare chests meeting for the first time, only added more fuel to his fire. "You may need to remind me to slow down." _

_Greg chuckled at the thought. "After spending the last three months engaging in mental foreplay, I think I'm ready for a change of pace." _

"_Me too." Their foreheads pressed together and their lips only an inch apart, Nick let the anticipation of a first kiss build until the urge to consume Greg's mouth overwhelmed him. _

"Nick." April tapped him on the shoulder. "For a second there I thought you fell asleep on my couch again."

Reluctantly stopping his stroll down memory lane, Nick stood up. "Sorry, I drifted off thinkin' about a case."

April sweetly smiled at the man who shared her passion for victims. "I do the same thing all the time."

The offensive fumes of peanut butter pasta filling his nose, Nick started for the table. "Smells great."

"Thanks."

"Actually, um…" He pointed toward the bathroom. "I should probably wash up before dinner."

* * *

While sitting on the toilet, Mandy passed the time by peering behind Greg's navy blue shower curtain. Her mother always said you could tell what kind of husband a man would be by how clean he kept the bathroom of his bachelor pad. "Impressive." It looked as if the shower hadn't even been used that morning. _Mom would say you're a keeper._

Just as she was about to release the curtain, she saw a tube on the shelf and realized the label said lubricant. She immediately envisioned him coming home alone every day to spend quality time with himself in the shower. _Poor Greg, he really needs to get over losing Sara to Grissom and move on. _Then she remembered the story she had heard about Greg's geeky flirtations driving Riley to quit and leave town. Lifting the tube, she sighed. It was almost empty. _Poor guy. _

Feeling sorry for her friend who had lost two girls and almost lost his life, Mandy decided she would take one for Team Geek and give Greg Sanders a night he would never forget.

* * *

Turning off his cell, Greg tossed it on the counter. The last thing he wanted to spend the night doing was staring at the phone waiting for Nick to not call.

"Ready!" Mandy announced as she sauntered out of the bathroom with her game face on.

"Whoa." She looked totally different than when she went in there. "My hair gel did all that?"

"No," she chuckled. "I had my make up and a rhinestone clip in my purse. Then I took off my sweater and undid a couple of buttons on my blouse." Happy that she got a strong reaction out of him, she hurried over and took his hand. "Let's go."

* * *

Before leaving the bathroom, Nick quickly texted Greg…

**Miss you. Can't go thru with this. Be there soon. All I want is another tequila sunrise with you.**

* * *

Sorry this one took so long. The holiday season totally swamped me!!

Thanks for the feedback on the last chapter and thanks for reading :)

Maggs


	7. Chapter 7

**This Is So Not Me – Chapter 7**

**Written by Ms. Maggs**

"Wait." Greg stopped Mandy from dragging him toward the door. "Now that you look good, I should at least change my shirt."

"**Now** that I look good?" She half-laughed. "How bad did I look before?"

_Doh! _He silently chided himself. "No, you didn't look **bad**," he assured her, "you just looked like you were going to Costco, not a club. You know - Costco-casual."

"Costco-casual," she droned, "that sounds like a fancy way of saying dumpy."

"No! Totally not." Feeling terrible for tainting her already fragile self-esteem twice, he stretched the truth to make her feel better. "I didn't mean dumpy–casual, I meant 'local dive bar sexy-casual'."

"Oh!" She couldn't help but laugh at his pathetically cute effort to make her feel better. "So I looked like a desperately single thirty-something slut? I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

After laughing with her, he said, "See, this is why I never get the girl." Anxious to end the conversation, he bolted into his closet.

"Maybe your luck with women will change tonight!"

"I seriously doubt it!"

Joining Greg in the closet, she informed him, "I'm taking you to a martini bar for the 30 and over professional crowd, which means there will be lots of needy women ripe for the picking, I should know, I'm one of them." She sighed, "I keep dragging Wendy there hoping someone will catch her eye and break the Hodges-spell she's under, but for some strange reason it only makes her want him more."

"Don't get me started on that subject." Publically he mocked Hodges, but secretly he was envious that the guy was able to openly show his affection for the love of his life. "Hmm, I brought most of my best shirts to…" He stopped himself before saying _Nick's house_. "…the homeless shelter."

"Why would you donate your best shirts?"

"My best crazy shirts," he clarified. "Because I wanted to change my image from goofy lab rat to serious CSI guy and I knew I'd be tempted to wear them if they were in my closet."

"There's barely **any **clothes in here." There were a few shirts hanging and some jeans balled up on the floor along with a sweatshirt.

"I've been pulling doubles and haven't had time to do laundry."

"Oh."

"Why do you have an A&M sweatshirt?" she asked when she noticed the logo. "That's where Nick went to school."

"Yeah, he let me borrow it the other night when I spilled coffee all over my jacket. I told him I would wash it and give it back to him, but I haven't gotten around to it yet."

"He must really like you." Mandy chuckled, thinking of a story Warrick had once told her. "I've heard that he won't even let women wear his college gear after a roll in the hay."

"I'd believe that." While digging one of his old club shirts out of the back of the closet, he explained, "If Nick let a girl wear his college shirt, she'd think it meant something significant. I'm his buddy, so there's no pressure."

"Right." Mandy nodded when he held up his shirt selection. "Because the last thing Love 'Em and Leave 'Em Stokes would want is to accidentally make a girl think she had a shot at a commitment."

Instinctively jumping to his man's defense, Greg sweetly said, "Nick's a great guy, he just has a little more baggage than the average person. After everything he's been through, I think it's probably hard for him to let his guard down and get close to someone."

"You're right." She felt bad for taking a swipe at the Ladies Man with a Heart of Gold. "I didn't mean to sound bitchy. I just hate seeing a guy as great as Nick still single when I know so many women looking for a decent guy. I don't mean me," she quickly clarified, "because I dated Warrick and that would have been weird since they were best friends."

"Yeah." He burst out laughing. "It would have been **really **weird to see Nick dating you."

"Because I'm too dumpy for him?" She snipped while checking her profile in the mirror hanging on the closet door.

_Doh!_ "No. Because um…" When he saw her self-esteem taking a nose dive, he blurted what he hoped was a confidence boosting answer. "Because I had a crush on you for a while and I would have been jealous. He always gets the girls I like."

"If you had a crush on me, why didn't you ask me out?"

"For the obvious reason." Grinning, he tossed his t-shirt and pulled on the black and white intensely patterned button-down. "You're way out of my league, Webster."

"You really thought that?"

Remembering what Nick said about Mandy having a wild side, Greg nodded. "Yep. You're way too much for a guy like me."

"Aww." While enjoying a peek at her future lover's surprisingly sexy goody trail, Mandy purred, "You're so sweet."

* * *

When Nick emerged from the bathroom and saw his date pacing the room, he warmly asked, "Everything okay?"

"No," April anxiously replied. "I think we need to talk about what happened in the kitchen." A nervous laugh tumbled out of her mouth. "What didn't happen is more accurate."

"I'm not sure what…"

"The kiss." She cringed. "It was obvious that you weren't…"

"Oh." Nick tensed and averted his eyes. "That."

"I had been tasting the food and I had garlic breath." She hoped a cute confession would earn her a do-over later. "It's okay if both people have garlic breath, but if only one does it's serious buzz-kill. Sorry." She pleaded with her eyes and a smile.

April's sweet smile saturated Nick with guilt and he was instantly reminded why he never used sweet, intelligent women to prop his reputation. "It wasn't your breath or anything you did. It's…" He wished he could tell more than the partial truth, but he wasn't about to trust someone he barely knew with his biggest secret. "This is probably gonna sound weird, but I think the reason I feel comfortable with you and enjoy your company is…"

"Is what?" she prodded, wanting an explanation.

"I have five sisters, all of 'em super smart and headstrong. Awesome women, every one of 'em and you remind me of…"

"I remind you of your sisters?"

"Yeah." Nick scratched his head. "I didn't know how much until you kissed me." He cringed. "I don't usually date women of your caliber, so it never happened before. I was totally squicked and I didn't know what to say. Sorry."

"Let me get this straight," April huffed as her demeanor changed from apologetic to pissed. "Because I have a brain, I can't be sexy?"

"What?" He couldn't comprehend how she jumped to that conclusion. "That's not even close to what I said."

"You said that you don't usually date women of my caliber, and we both know when you say 'date' you mean 'sleep with'."

"See, right there you sound exactly like my sisters." Hoping humor would diffuse the tension, he chuckled. "They yell at me all the time."

"Probably because they think you're a sexist man-child!"

"Man-child yeah, but they've never called me sexist, 'cause I'm not. They call my brother sexist all the time though, 'cause he is."

"Oh, please!" She laughed at the idea. "You're one of those guys who wants to bag as many brainless babes as possible and hold out on getting pinned down with marriage and a family until the pressure to fit in with the picket fence crowd becomes unbearable! And while you're out having a great time sowing your wild oats, guys like you expect all the nice, smart, girl-next-door types to sit at home and lead angelic lives!"

"No. No, that's not it."

"According to the grapevine..."

"And you believe everything the local gossips say?"

"So you really didn't have one night stands with Marcia Watson, Kelli Donahue, Tanya Mikowski, and Bella Martinez and never call them again?" The silence was deafening. "Guilty!"

"Of what?!" He decided to defend his actions. "Everyone knows those women have slept with half of LVPD and I never said I would call, so what did I do wrong? Havin' casual sex doesn't make me a sexist and if you really stop and think about it, I'm a **feminist** because I believe that a woman has an equal right to a no-strings-attached good time as a man does. And for the record, I never said you were too smart to sleep with or not hot enough to screw, I said you remind me of my sisters, who I know had plenty of sex before they were married, so there! You're sexy as hell, you're just not sexy to me 'cause I'm not into incest!" Much to his surprise, April burst out laughing.

"We really don't have an ounce of romantic chemistry, do we?"

He warily shook his head and smiled. "None, but I totally respect you as a colleague."

"Same here." Feeling bad for biting his head off, April thoughtfully asked, "Do you still want to have dinner with me?"

"Absolutely." He didn't want to seem like an ungrateful jerk. "I'd love to stay for dinner."

"There's a slight problem." She cringed. "I ruined dinner when I was preoccupied fretting over our kiss from hell."

"Honestly," Nick sweetly confessed, "I hate peanut butter and almost never eat pasta." He patted his stomach. "Gotta watch the carbs."

"You could have told me."

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings." Eager to prove he was a gentleman. "You wanna go out and grab a bite, sis? My treat."

"You're on!" She raced for her purse. "Where do you want to go?"

"As long as I don't have to eat peanut butter or drink Merlot, I don't care."

Hurrying for the door, April said, "Burgers and beer okay?

"Perfect." Following her out, Nick wondered if there was still a chance they could have dinner with his parents next week.

* * *

Thanks for reading and the comments on the last chapter.

This one is shorter, but I thought it was a good stopping place and I didn't want to wait so long in between updates : )

Maggs


End file.
